Journey's End
by NElaineR
Summary: Epilogue up.  Hope everyone enjoyed the ride as much as I did!  Not that it matters, but I don't own "Lie to Me" BTW!
1. Chapter 1

Because I'm pissed beyond belief at FOX, I'm stepping away from the story I currently have in the works to write Episode 1, Season 4. Bastards. GRRRRRR.

Emily had long since retired to bed but her words kept reverberating in Cal's mind. _What are you waiting for?_

He had told her that he didn't have an answer but in reality, he did. Despite all his bravado it came down to one thing: fear. Fear that she wouldn't feel the same way – he knew she loved him but in _that_ way? He didn't think he was exactly her type – well, Alec was a tosser so there's no comparison, but Burns was kind of like Captain America, right? How could he compete? And then there was the other big fear: he didn't want to taint her any more than he already had. She was such a beautiful, loving person with a gentle spirit and he was, well, _him_. He was impulsive, rash, abrasive, street wise and at times, bloody intolerable. Could he be anymore opposite?

Sipping his Scotch, he glanced at the clock. Just a smidge after midnight. He wondered if she was still up.

He could be better, right? It was, in fact, possible. But was it probable? Could he ever be the man that she deserved?

Cal startled when his cell phone went off. He pulled it out of pocket, mouth going dry when he saw 'Gillian Foster' pop up on his screen.

"Hey luv."

"Hi Cal. I didn't wake you did I?"

"Not even close."

Gillian was quiet but Cal didn't dare push. Then: "I'm sorry. Just been having problems with insomnia lately."

"Understandable."

"I also wanted to thank you."

"Why's that?"

"You're always there for me and I wanted to say that I really appreciate it. I don't think I got a chance to tell you that."

He smiled sadly. "Where else would I be darlin'?"

Her breathing hitched and he heard a sniffle. Trying to be brave. Didn't have to be though. Not with him.

Something occurred to him at that moment. "Gill, did you want to take some time off? A change of scenery might be good for you."

She didn't say anything.

"Come on! You have to trust that we won't burn down the place, yeah?"

"I don't know Cal." Gillian sounded very reluctant.

"Should I be insulted?" he queried, smirking. He knew that she could hear it in his voice without a doubt.

A laugh escaped from the phone and a rare smile crossed his face at the sound. "What do you say?"

"I'll think about it." She yawned and he stifled his own as a result. "I think I'm going to try to get some sleep now. Thank you, Cal."

"Anytime, luv."

(BREAK)

Come Monday morning, he was reclining back in his chair, boots on his desk. It was actually a little slow today; Torres and Loker were easily handling the couple of cases they had on the docket. Cal took this time to lose himself in his thoughts. Gillian was a little late this morning – had actually overslept. Unusual, but he knew she desperately needed the rest. Maybe it'll do her some good.

Making a decision, his boots hit the floor with a thud. He started to make some calls.

(BREAK)

"What's this?"

Gillian approached his desk half-heartedly waving an envelope.

"What's what?" Cal peered up at her through his glasses.

"I think you know."

Removing his glasses, he tossed them on the desk before leaning back in his chair. He laced his fingers over his stomach, just looked at her and waited.

"Cal. You can't do this." Her tone was more confused then anything.

"Can't or shouldn't?"

She pressed her lips together, looked down and turned away.

He wasn't really sure how to respond to this. Had he overstepped? Dumb question. Probably. Hell. Lurching out of his chair, Cal moved around the desk, and leaned against it. He was close, but not too close. "I thought it would be a good idea."

Gillian moved away, keeping her back to him.

"Look, I….I'm sorry if you feel I'm poking into your business again. Getting to be a bit of a habit, yeah?" He tried to keep his tone light.

"Getting to be?" She turned to face him, crying, but smiling.

"Uh," he frowned, confused. "I'm not sure how I should take this…"

Stepping close, she cradled his face and gently kissed him. It was chaste but sweet. He almost forgot to breathe as he stared at her.

"Gillian, you're killin' me. You know I have a hard time reading you." He noted that her hands still hadn't moved and her face was slightly flushed. _Good sign_.

"Cal, I'm just a little overwhelmed. I can't believe you did this." She allowed her fingers to trail down his cheeks before working their way down and gently taking his hands.

"Are you going to go?"

She looked at him like he was cracked before giving him a delicious smile that made his knees feel weak. "Of course I'm going to go."

(BREAK)

The next part of the plan was a lot more dubious.

"This place better be in one piece when I get back." He had just informed Loker and Torres that he had an emergency and had to go back to London. Cal now stared at them icily, getting his point across. He was fairly certain that they'd be okay solo, but he'd never inform them of that.

Loker caught Torres' eye and they both stifled smiles.

"Oi, I saw that!" He kept his mask in place, turned heel and strided out. "No burnin' embers! Got it?"

(BREAK)

Cal didn't have to worry about Emily. She was currently with her mom in Chicago visiting family.

He decided to give her a call from the airport. Maybe he'd even come clean.

"Hey Dad. What's up?"

"Hey Em." He couldn't help but smile when he heard her voice. She already suspected something. "Just wanted to touch base."

The PA blared in the background.

"Dad – where are you?"

"Airport darlin'."

Pause. "Are you following Gillian?" The grin was evident in her tone.

"Oh, wow Em. There's my flight. Gotta go. Love ya!"

"Love you too Dad. Be good!"

He disconnected, not moving. His flight wasn't for another 45 minutes.

(BREAK)

His destination was quite secluded. He chose it for its beauty and peace. Gillian deserved it. Cal only hoped that his unexpected arrival didn't ruin everything for her. He hadn't come with any particular expectation in mind. He only wanted to spend time with her away from everything that could possibly pull them down.

The seaplane brought him directly to the dock by the beach. The small resort spread out before him. There were only ten cottages peppered on either side of a clubhouse area with included an upscale restaurant, a bar and grill and of course, a pool. Most of the buildings played peek-a-boo with palm trees. It was very quiet, even more so, considering vacation season hadn't officially arrived yet. Cal walked up the pier and headed to the clubhouse to check in.

(BREAK)

Gillian spent most of her days lying on the beach, reading romance novels and listening to the waves. It was hard to imagine that there could be some place so peaceful. The complete antithesis to DC.

Cal had arranged all this for her. Whenever she contemplated that fact, tears began to sting her eyes. He really was one of a kind. Such a difficult man with a soft side known to few.

She left the chaise lounge positioned perfectly under _her_ palm tree and moved across the warm sand toward the bungalow with its lovely wrap around porch and thatched roof. It was only about 50 yards from the water, affording a wonderful view. Gillian climbed the steps to let herself in, looking forward to a relaxing bath before dinner. As she pushed the door open, she stopped short, taking note of the beautiful flower arrangement on her dining room table.

Gently pulling the card from its holder, a smile played upon her lips, crinkling the corners of her eyes.

"_Hello Gillian. Hope you're having a wonderful time. I also hope you still appreciate surprises. Love, Cal."_

Bemused, she considered the possibilities.

(BREAK)

The pianist was playing to entertain guests as they ate, drank, mingled and danced. Dinner was a formal occasion at the resort and everyone was dressed spectacularly. Gillian chose blue to accentuate her eyes and a dress cut to accentuate her figure and show a little cleavage without being tawdry. She could feel eyes upon her but that wasn't her intent. She enjoyed feeling sexy and a bit mysterious on her own terms.

The maitre d pulled her chair out and properly seated her. He gave her a smile and although he was handsome, she was picturing someone else. "Thank you."

As usual, as per her request, she was by the window. Watching the sunset never became tiresome. Layers of various shades of orange and raspberry settled across the sky presenting a scene that truly inspired. It was breathtaking. Lost in her reverie, other thoughts began to stir. Gillian couldn't help but wonder what he was doing right now. _Probably beans on toast washed down with a beer_. A pang of guilt struck as the waiter brought her a glass of wine.

Nodding her thanks, her eyes were instantly drawn to a figure just entering the dining room. She frowned before her mouth dropped open. She could only stare as he approached.

He stopped before her, and gave a theatrical bow. "Hello darlin'."

Gillian continued to stare. Cal. And he looked _really_ _good_. White jacket, black tie, cummerbund, and slacks. His cheeks were even freshly shaven.

She finally found her voice. "Oh my God, Cal! What are you doing here?"

Behind the smile, his eyes were tentative, almost fearful. "Just happened to be in the neighborhood."

Confusion, amusement, tenderness and anger all flickered across her face in rapid succession. She seemed at a complete loss for words.

Heart quickening, he held a hand out to her. "Dance?" Sometimes it seemed best to skip words.

Observing his earnest expression, she couldn't help but think how boyish he suddenly seemed. Vulnerable. Extremely un-Cal Lightman like. This was an entirely new development. She took his hand and allowed him to lead her toward the dance floor.

He was graceful and she followed easily. He held her close, one hand in hers, the other lightly resting at her waist. As they danced together, she began to relax against him, enjoying his quiet strength, breathing in his masculine scent. His eyes gradually moved up to hers and stayed. Confident, playful Cal was back. "Surprise."

She started to giggle, tension from the last few weeks suddenly breaking away. He raised his eyebrows and she could feel his low chuckle vibrate through his chest as he joined her in laughter. Gillian thought it was one of the best sounds in the world as she moved closer and wrapped her arms around him.

(BREAK)

They spent most of their time swimming, relaxing and talking, with the occasional nature hike thrown in. He watched her continually, adoring her expressions and reactions as she made animal and plant discoveries. It was almost as if they were getting to know one another all over again. Away from the congestion and insanity of real life, it seemed so much easier. Of course this scared the hell out of him too. What would happen when it was time to leave? He had yet to admit to her that he was in love with her, but the real world was nipping at their heels.

"Cal?"

"Hmmm?"

"Race you."

"What?"

Gillian pulled off her cover up and proceeded to drop it on the beach. She was grinning at him. "From here to that buoy and back again."

"Seriously?"

She flickered an eyebrow at him before bolting into the water.

"Bloody hell." Cal yanked his t-shirt over his head, threw it and chased after her.

The water was clear, warm and beautiful as he charged in, right on her heels. Powerful strokes brought him even with her before he pulled slightly ahead and reached the buoy. She popped up next to him just a moment later and proceeded to use him as a launching point in her quest to get to the shore first.

Recovering with a growl he propelled himself through the water determined to catch her but to no avail. Gillian was running up the beach as he reached the shore. Solid ground beneath his feet pushed him to a sprint and it didn't take long for him to catch up.

"Oi! Little cheater!" He caught her in a tackle in the soft sand, fingers finding ribs in furious tickle punishment.

Laughing, she weakly tried to kick at him but he used part of his body weight to keep her from getting away. "Uh uh, no ya don't."

He stopped suddenly, eyes widening as he stared down at her, still laughing, gasping and covered in sand. Gillian looked up at him, startled, sensing the mood change. She watched as anguish flashed across his features, followed by love. Breathing hard, warmth began to spread through her body as she met his eyes.

Cal gently pushed her wet hair back from her face with his fingers. "You're so beautiful." With that, he started to roll away from her before she caught his arm.

He glanced down at the delicate fingers clutching his bicep before he slowly met her eyes again. They were dark as they locked with his. A jolt of desire ran through his body but he had to be sure.

"Gill?"

"Yes Cal?" Her voice was soft and breathy.

His eyes slid away wondering if he could possibly do this. One of the most important things in his life and he felt like a coward. He couldn't find his words.

A hand snaked around the back of his neck and pulled his face down within inches of hers. "Tell me."

Taking a breath, he decided to just blurt it out. "Gillian, I am completely and irrevocably in love with you." The same vulnerability from before crept into his expression.

Tenderness further darkened the passion in her eyes. Tears began to spill. "I love you too Cal." She pulled him down to her and their lips met. Initially the kiss was soft and tentative but long buried passion quickly emerged within both of them. He took her mouth hungrily, his tongue demanding entrance, which she quickly permitted. They kissed with fervor before realization kicked in and they slowly pulled apart.

She smiled lovingly up at him. "Maybe we should take the party inside."

"Race you!"

Maybe it wouldn't have been exactly an episode but I kind of went off on a sweet little tangent. Hope you enjoyed.


	2. Chapter 2

Okay – I could not leave it like that. Tried, but nope, not going to happen. Let's get back shall we…?

He gave her a huge grin. Gillian made him easily feel ten years younger and it showed. Clambering to his feet, Cal held out a hand and pulled her up with such strength that she stumbled and fell against him. His arms immediately encircled her waist and back to steady her. He didn't let go.

Still breathing hard, she stared up at him for a moment before allowing her eyes to drop. Instead her gaze followed as her hands began to explore his upper body. He was lean with ropey muscles that begged to be touched. His shoulders were solid with a tiny bit of freckling that made her want to run her lips over them – she filed that away for future reference. There was a tiny patch of hair running down the center of his chest but otherwise, with the exception of a few scars, his skin was smooth. Droplets of water still clung to him and she ran her fingertips over them, feeling him tremble. Moving a little closer, she reached up and loosely clasped her hands behind his neck, once again meeting his eyes. She could feel the grit of sand on his upper back as she pulled him down into a scorching kiss, taking the lead this time.

When they came up for air, Cal felt slightly dizzy. He wasn't sure if it was lack of oxygen, his love for her or just the realization that she loved him back. It was a heady mixture.

Gillian suddenly pulled away and darted up the beach, flinging a mischievous smile over her shoulder.

Startled, he blinked stupidly for just a moment before a smirk twisted his lips. He charged after her.

Flying up the steps to the porch she started to pull open the screen door but he caught her before she could successfully escape inside. The door shut with a snap as he pushed his body against her, passionately grabbing her lips with his own. She threaded her fingers through his wet hair, opening her mouth to him, tongues jousting and dancing. Cal switched positions with her, reaching behind him and fumbling for the door handle. Mouths still locked together, they moved into the living room of her bungalow.

Once inside, she broke away from his kiss but remained within the safety of his arms. "Cal?"

Deciding this was a sign that he needed to curb his desire and slow down a bit, he gently nuzzled her neck. "Yeah, luv?"

"I have sand in my swimsuit."

He snorted in laughter. "You're not alone there."

"Think I need a shower."

His eyes took a moment to drink in her features, noting her sun kissed skin and how her freckles seemed to have multiplied because of it. Her eyes were bright and gentle as she returned his gaze. Their vivid blueness stood out even more against her lightly tanned skin. He swallowed, wanting her so very badly_. Down boy_. With a nod, he reluctantly released her. "Think I should do the same. Not decent to have sand where I have sand." Cal gave her a smile, leaned forward and pressed his lips to her temple. "Drinks in an hour?"

(BREAK)

"You told them you had to go to London?"

"Yup."

"How are you going to explain your tan?"

Cal paused, considering. "Brits don't tan. We burn, peel, pale and repeat."

Gill giggled as he grinned, eye crinkling as he watched her.

"Hate to tell you Cal but you've got a bit of a tan anyway. Sure you're all English?"

"Huh. Far as I know. Been in America too long I guess."

The waiter swung by with a couple of Daiquiris. Cal had ordered before she had arrived and she now looked at him, brows raised, eyes bordering on astonishment.

He smiled sheepishly and shrugged. "Thought you'd like a fru fru drink. We _are_ in the Caribbean after all." Gillian continued to stare at him, amusement barely contained. Cal waved a hand, still looking embarrassed. "What can I say? When in Rome…"

She gave him a wink. "I won't tell. Your secret's safe."

"Appreciate that."

The waiter came by and collected their dinner orders before discreetly disappearing once again.

"So, what happens now?"

"We eat, maybe get a little drunk. A moonlit stroll on the beach would be nice." He gave her a toothy smile.

"Didn't realize you were quite the romantic."

"Only on special occasions." Cal grew serious. He reached across the table, taking her hand and meeting her eyes. "So, what DOES happen now?"

"I don't know." Gillian replied honestly and his heart sank. Noticing his unhidden reaction, she quickly pushed on. "Things have changed and I can't pretend that they haven't. It's probably going to take some getting used to – for everyone."

He took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. "Well, _not _everyone."

"Oh?" A knowing smile played on her lips. "Let me guess…"

"Yep, Emily." He caught her eye, glanced down at his fru fru drink and looked up again. "She had…a bit of a hand…in giving me the push that I needed."

"Perceptive girl."

"Annoying that one is." He smirked, but his face was full of tenderness.

Dinner arrived and a comfortable silence ensued.

When they finished, she got up and held out her hand. "You promised me a walk on the beach you know."

"That I did."

(BREAK)

The night was beautiful. A warm tropical breeze blew in from the south rustling through the palms and the moon was almost full. They could hear the gentle lapping of the waves as Gillian mentally compared it to walking in a postcard….or in one of her romance novels.

They had removed their shoes and Cal had rolled up the cuffs of his slacks so they could walk at the water's edge. Holding hands, they walked in silence, oddly reticent.

There wasn't a lot of time and they were both very aware of it. Originally, he had planned to leave a couple of days after Gillian to allay any suspicion, but the point was moot now. Happily so. Although that didn't change the fact that reality was looming on the horizon beyond the perimeter of the little island. This was a concern for both of them.

"What are you thinking?" Cal's voice was soft as he stopped, raised one hand and lightly trailed his fingers across her cheek. He cocked his head to the side as he watched her.

She smiled but her eyes seemed a little too bright.

"Worried?"

"Maybe a little."

Cal stepped closer and pulled her into a warm embrace. She felt safe within his arms as always and clung to him. They rocked together, almost dancing.

"We're strong, we'll be even stronger together." He pulled back just enough to meet her eyes. His gaze was intense. "We've wasted too much damned time luv and life is way too short for that."

She sniffled as her eyes began to overflow. "I know. It just seems like we're in a dream here and I'm really reluctant to wake up."

"I hear that darlin'." He caught her is a sweet kiss before leaning his forehead against hers. "You're the psychologist. This will be our happy place, yeah?"

Gillian laughed but it was tinged with sadness.

"Seriously, Gill. Besides," he kissed her again, "we could always come back."

"Doesn't seem very likely Cal."

"It's as likely as you want it to be." His eyes darkened in intensity again. "Maybe for a honeymoon."

She gasped as he started to propel her up the beach with one hand at the small of her back. "It's starting to get a bit late darlin'."

He walked her to her bungalow while her mind reeled. Cal seemed unfazed as they climbed the steps, leaving her confused and a little flustered.

"Cal – " He stopped her with a kiss. It was like a slow burn, building in intensity. Gillian's heart thudded against her ribcage, feeling her entire body flush with warmth as he deepened the kiss. She felt weak and breathless when he moved away.

He now stood in the shadows, watching her. "I guess I should say goodnight."

Even more confused, she tried to make out his features in the dark. _Why was he distancing himself? Did she do something wrong?_

"No, luv. You didn't do anything wrong." His low chuckle reached her ears. "Sorry, a novice could have read that one." He moved back into the light, allowing her to read him. Worry was plain. "I was afraid that I did though. The last thing I'd ever want is to push you into something you're not ready for."

Gillian focused on his face and eyes for several long moments while he held his breath. A gentle smile ghosted upon her face as she neared him. He didn't move. Just watched.

She stopped less than a foot away, once again peering up into his face. He stared back thinking how easy it was to lose himself in her beautiful eyes. He could almost see his past, present and future. All tension left him. Cal saw everything he could ever hope for and more. Gillian took his hand and let him into her bungalow.

Almost there. Love to see reviews and comments. They make me happy!


	3. Chapter 3

**Bumped up this chapter to an "M" rating. Just sayin'. ;-)**

****

They slipped in the door, Cal gently closing it behind them. He gazed at her but didn't move. He'd meant what he said. He didn't want to push her into doing anything she wasn't ready for. Intense longing burned throughout his entire body but he managed to keep it in check, trembling slightly with the effort.

Gillian's eyes moved down his frame, taking note of the undone bow tie hanging around his neck and how the top few buttons of his dress shirt were open. She could see the movement of his throat as he swallowed and how his breathing was rushed. His hazel eyes were almost black with desire for her but true to his word, he didn't approach.

She slowly closed the distance between them, reaching up and placing her hands on either side of his face. He hadn't shaved since that first night; so several days worth of stubble tickled her fingers as she held him, stroking her thumbs against his cheeks. Gillian peered intently into his eyes. "Despite the fact that you have the capacity to drive me completely crazy, you are such a good man. I don't know if you're even capable of ever really seeing that." She gently pushed her lips against his in a brief, sweet kiss before allowing him to see all of her truth once again. "And I love you very much."

Cal smiled a rare honest smile, one that reached and crinkled his eyes. It filled his face with such tenderness and warmth that she felt tears sting and threaten. She gave a little sniffle despite herself. Bemusement entered the mélange of emotions already swirling within his face as a result. He touched a finger and thumb to her chin. "Now, what's this?"

She giggled through a few stray tears, before pulling his face toward her and capturing his lips in another soft kiss. He returned it lovingly, but did not demand, still letting her set the pace. He felt her tongue gently run along his mouth, with its tentative request. Parting his lips, he allowed them to connect more intimately. The kiss at once became harder and more passionate. She pushed her body up against him, effectively knocking him back a step against the door. He felt her nip his lip and could swear that he tasted blood but the excitement of the moment blocked out any discomfort. Wrapping his arms around her, he crushed her to him before moving his lips from hers and exploring her ear lobe, giving it a quick nip in retaliation and smirking at her surprised gasp. Cal then continued grazing his lips and teeth down her neck to her collarbone. Her arms had moved around his neck, pulling him to her, flushing and trembling under his touch. Warmth flooded through her body as she began to push his jacket off his shoulders. It landed at their feet as her nimble fingers began to unbutton his shirt, seeking contact with his lean chest. She pulled the tails out of his slacks and it soon pooled on top of his jacket.

"Not being fair luv." His voice was a low growl in her ear.

"Thought I was the one in charge," came her short teasing reply.

With a groan, he moved his mouth back to hers and deepened the kiss to a whole new level. Her knees were shaking when they pulled back to breath. "What was that you were sayin' darlin'?" He taunted her, but slowed down nonetheless. Hazel met blue, both mirroring arousal, but once again, he didn't move.

Gillian took his hands and led him to the bedroom, kissing him the whole time.

Once inside, she turned in his arms, indicating the zipper down her back.

The invitation was now wide open. He reached for her with trembling hands and slowly unzipped her dress, mindful of not snagging the delicate fabric but also enjoying the anticipation. She stepped out of it, still wearing a short black slip, which he pulled over her head and tossed aside in seconds. Cal kissed to her neck hollow before continuing down her chest, lightly running his fingers across her breasts in his descent, before planting soft kisses across her flat belly and south toward her womanhood. He looked up at her gasp. Her eyes were closed, her face and chest had reddened and she was breathing hard. He moved upward and finished removing her undergarments before grabbing her lips once again with his own.

"Now who's not being fair?" Her voice was barely more than a breath as she cracked her eyes open at him.

He gave her a huge grin. "Just enjoying the view luv."

"Really?" Gillian pushed her body hard into him, feeling his arousal. "I guess you are." With that, she gave him a surprisingly powerful shove. The back of his knees hit the bed and he flopped on his back.

She was on him in seconds, her fair falling down and framing her face as she stared down at him with a slightly predatory expression. Straddling his hips, she pushed against him again and his eyes widened in surprise. Satisfied that she had made her point, her expression softened, and she leaned down and kissed his throat, and moved along his jawline before pursuing his lips again.

Cal curled his fingers in her hair, stilling her movements and demanding eye contact. "God Gillian. You're so beautiful." His voice was hoarse with desire as he quickly turned the tables on her, rolling her beneath him. He could feel her hand movement as she tugged at his belt, so he maneuvered onto his side to allow her better access. Moments later, his slacks and boxers were dumped off the side of the bed.

"There, now we're even." She smiled up at him and he returned the grin, before tenderly kissing her. He pulled back, staring into her face as he positioned himself. Her eyes glowed up at him with desire and love as he slowly entered her. She shuddered with pleasure as they moved together, slowly at first, but both quickly becoming more demanding. His strokes became faster and more intense as she bucked her hips to meet him. He pulled back and pushed in suddenly, hearing a satisfied little purr escape her lips, encouraging him to do it several more times. She tensed a moment later with a gasp as her climax rolled through her body. He quickly followed her over the brink, trembling the whole way.

Shortly afterward, still breathing hard, they cuddled together, both feeling safe in one another's arms. Neither spoke. Neither needed to.

A gentle Caribbean breeze wafted its way through the window, cooling the sweat upon their bodies and lulling them both to a peaceful slumber.

**(BREAK)**

Gillian awoke feeling drowsy, warm and relaxed. She was nestled against Cal's chest, one arm around his ribcage and one leg looped over his. He was snoring softly as she studied him, enjoying how boyish he looked with all defenses down. Her thoughts drifted back to the previous evening. Years of denial had come down to this: a realization that they fit together perfectly. It all seemed so _right_. But now what? Cal had indirectly breached the marriage subject, but had he been serious? Everything seemed like a whirlwind, but, in truth, it really wasn't. She had loved him for years and the feeling was likewise. _But were they really ready for that kind of step?_

She came out of her musings to find him staring down at her. He had the cute, dopey expression of someone who wasn't quite awake yet. Moving up, she gave him a kiss. "Good morning."

Cal happily returned her kiss, thinking that he could wake every morning like this and be a very happy man. "Good morning darlin'."

"Any ideas of what you'd like to do today?" Gillian stretched and yawned, looking forward to some more beach time. She turned to gaze at him, eyes expectant.

He raised an eyebrow and just looked at her, the Lightman smirk playing upon his lips.

**Probably not quite done but I'll have to see where inspiration leads. Don't want to draw it out too long but don't want to end it too quickly either. Looking for a little balance as my muse wavers. It's all good though. Like before – I LOVE comments and reviews. **


	4. Chapter 4

**Just a short little chapter while I figure out what my next step should be. I think it's safe to say that we're still holding at an "M" here. ;-p**

Gillian wasn't next to him when he awakened. The bungalow was quiet.

Slipping out from under the thin sheet, Cal simply pulled on a pair of shorts, opting to go commando style. He moved from the bedroom, and into the living room before he saw her through the front bay window. Her back was to him. She stood on the porch, gazing out toward the sea. As he watched, she shifted slightly, affording him a view of her profile. The breeze teased her brunette hair, apparently tickling her nose, before she tucked it behind her ear. Her expression was one of profound sadness. He felt his heart break just a little.

Without a sound, he pushed through the door and padded up behind her. He knew that she sensed his presence. There were no words available at the moment. Wrapping his arms around her, he rested his head on her shoulder, breathing in her scent. She leaned her cheek against his. They stood together and watched the turquoise water lap against the beach while the palm fronds swayed in the gentle wind. He could feel the wetness of her tears against the side of his face.

That afternoon they were due to return to D.C. Neither was ready, but they'd already overstayed. They'd taken the step of touching base with everyone, not bothering to hide anything, nor explain. But unfortunately, reality awaited.

He began to plant soft kisses behind her ear and onto her neck and felt her smile and sob in response. Grinning ruefully, he kissed her again. "That there is one really mixed message."

Gillian's shoulders shook slightly as laughter broke through her tears. She turned in his arms, meeting his eyes. Without hesitation, she cradled his face and kissed his lips tenderly. He immediately responded, but managed to stifle the heated passion that she always brought out in him and kept it simple and sweet. This was what she needed right now.

After a moment, she pulled away from the kiss but wrapped her arms around him to keep him close. She rested her cheek against his bare chest, taking comfort in his steady heartbeat and looked back out toward the water.

"You know that I wasn't kidding luv." His voice was hushed, accent like velvet.

"About what, Cal?" As soon as the question left her lips, she knew. Her pulse quickened.

He took a partial step away so he could look directly into her face. His fingers ran gently up and down her arms, succeeded in bringing gooseflesh to the surface. His eyes crinkled in the smile that his lips only hinted at. "We could come back."

Her blue eyes were unsure. Cal could easily read that, but seemed unperturbed by the possibility. "When….if you're ready, you know I would marry you in a heartbeat." She felt the scruff of his beard as he leaned forward and kissed her gently. "I can wait…at least for a bit." He gave her a wink before kissing her again, this time a little more passionately, but still tempering it with her current needs.

Reaching around behind his neck, she pulled him into a close embrace. She could not trust her words right now. They clung to one another, gently swaying in a slow dance that had gone on for years. The dance was just a bit more truthful now.

"How 'bout if we have a bite to eat and head out there," He nodded toward the ocean, "and go snorkeling while we can."

It had become a regular adventure. They both loved exploring the warm crystal clear waters and viewing the indigenous sea life. It was a far cry from the eastern coast.

Gillian shook her head, her mood shifting. "I have a better idea." Her voice became low and throaty and Cal felt a familiar stirring. "How about we get some room service and stay in?" She turned in his arms, staring at him with darkened eyes.

Eyebrows rising, he read the pure hunger on her face. It still sometimes amazed him that she could feel this way about _him._ Under the cool, professional demeanor, her passion was unconstrained.

His breath hitched as she slid her cool fingers under the waistband of his shorts.

Needing no encouragement, Cal took her face in his hands and kissed her furiously. It was warm, wet and became frantic very quickly. She returned it whole-heartedly, sucking, nipping and tasting. Her hand stroked him roughly through his shorts and a sound that was part gasp part growl escaped his lips. "Christ Gill!" He felt her release him from the cotton barrier.

Grazing his teeth down her neck, his hands deftly undid the knot in her robe. He let out a moan when his fingers only found smooth bare flesh beneath. In one fluid movement, he lifted her up as she wrapped her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck and pushed her against the outer wall of the bungalow. He thrust deep into the warm confines of her womanhood, listening as her breathing accelerated and she whimpered in response. Gillian ran her fingers through his hair, lightly clawing his scalp, stoking his fire even more. She found his mouth again and assaulted it with a lip-bruising, tongue jousting kiss as they continued to move more quickly together to fulfill their mutual need. Cal was trembling with strain when he felt her tense and shudder as her release washed over her. He allowed himself to follow moments later as his own orgasm exploded within her. Covered in sweat and big grins, they sunk in a tangled heap to the deck of the patio. Breathing hard, neither spoke for several long minutes. Their lovemaking had almost been animalistic in its intensity, perhaps a violent reaction to the prospect of returning home. Cal immediately felt regret, even though she had been the one to lead them down that particular path this time. He leaned over and gave her a tender kiss in form of apology, which she returned. "God, luv, what was _that_?"

She gave him a devilish smile for just a brief instant before complete mortification settled in. The realization that they'd just had sex on the front porch of her rented island cottage caused her face to flush a shade of red that Cal had never seen before. He had to bite his lip to keep from bursting out laughing as he watched her scramble to her feet in a panic, pull the robe back around her and disappear inside.

Unhurried, he got up himself, adjusted his shorts and followed.

His grin had not diminished.


	5. Chapter 5

**Aye Aye...and all that.** **:-)**

"Don't know if it's going to be able to get back in the air with all that," Cal waved

a hand at all of Gillian's luggage. A mischievous gleam played in his eyes as the soft ocean breeze sifted through his hair.

She smiled back at him, thinking about how handsome he looked. "Guess you're just going to have to wait for the next flight then."

They were heading to Nassau and from there back to D.C. It had become a quiet resignation for them.

"Really?" He caught her arm and swung her against him, grabbing her lips with his in a hungry kiss. For a minute she forgot herself again and melted into it before pushing away as he grinned. "Stop that! You're so distracting!"

"You know it darlin'." Cal continued to grin at her.

Their little earlier sexcapade had apparently gone unnoticed by everyone on the island, save one elderly couple that avoided them like the plague afterward, but Gillian was done with free shows nonetheless. She smacked his arm playfully. "Cal!"

The plane bumped up against the dock as the pilot hopped out and looped a rope around a pillar. He started loading all their bags.

Watching, tears immediately began to sting her eyes again. She felt Cal wrap a gentle arm around her to pull her against him. "We'll be back." His breath caressed her ear as she moved further into his embrace.

"I know."

His eyes widened and he moved back a fraction to search her face.

A benign smile was his only answer.

**(BREAK)**

Gillian arrived at the Lightman group early. She was feeling a bit under the weather but they had several large cases that she needed to start the framework for. Orange slushy in hand, she headed for her office.

They had been back in reality for about a month now and had acclimated to the usual pace. One main difference though, one very enjoyable difference she thought, were the furtive glances, secret smiles and stolen kisses. With the exception of Emily, they had not told anyone of their change of relationship. Not that the staff didn't _know_ but they didn't _officially_ _know_. Of course that was crazy making for most, but Cal would just smirk and remark that 'it's none of their bloody business.'

She was currently in the middle of some monotonous paperwork when she heard a little knock and Cal strolled in. He quietly shut the door behind him.

"Mornin' darlin'." His usual greeting turned to concern as he looked at her. She seemed a bit drawn and tired looking to him. Cal was beside her in an instant, crouching down next to the office chair. He reached up and touched her face gently. "You okay?"

"Yeah, just a little stomach thing going on. I'll be fine."

He rose, taking her with him and pulling her into an embrace. She felt his scruff against her cheek and ear. "You sure, luv?"

"Of course. I just have a lot to do. The Hammond Case -" Her smile faltered when the wave of dizziness struck. Her knees started to buckle as Cal's arms tightened around her. He helped her to the couch.

Blinking quickly, she focused on his face. His eyes were wide and fearful, almost panicked. Gillian gave him another smile. So sweet and caring. It was hard to believe that he could so easily shift to the flip side of that if the circumstances arose.

"Doctor or home?" His brows rose as he studied her intently.

"I'm fine Cal."

"You call almost passing out fine?" His jaw had set and it was up to her to determine if she had the energy to argue with him.

She decided that she didn't. "Alright. I'll go home for the rest of the day. Happy?"

"Not exceptionally." An odd light entered his eyes.

"What?"

Tilting his head, he continued to survey her face, but didn't say anything.

"Okay Cal. You're starting to spook me a bit. Can you please stop that?" She was tired and becoming exasperated. He knew she hated it when he blatantly tried to read her.

"Sorry." However his expression didn't change. "Let's get you home."

**(BREAK)**

Cal had taken her home and hovered helplessly while she emptied what little orange slushy she had ingesting into the toilet. It wasn't long before she let him know in no uncertain terms that while she loved him, his presence wasn't particularly appreciated at the moment and all but shoved him out the door.

Now he was alone with his thoughts as he made his way back to the Lightman Group.

_What if? Impossible. It could just be stomach flu. Possible. Probable. Still, the human body had remarkable regenerative powers. It was not unheard of for a woman who had undergone a tubal ligation to suddenly conceive. This was different though. Her odds were astronomical. Weren't they? She'd never really discussed it with him – not something that most women would feel comfortable talking to a guy friend about. Which was understandable. He was no longer just a 'guy friend' though now. The timing would be pretty amazing – he'd had a ring in his pocket for over a week now, just waiting for the right moment. It she really was pregnant, he didn't want her to think that had any bearing on his proposal. Of course he'd been hinting around since before they left the island. That had to count for something. _His mind continued to race out of control as he pulled into his parking spot at the office_. Wasn't he a little old for this? Older men than he had started or added to their families. Come on! It's just stomach flu you idiot! Still….._

Changing his mind about returning to work, he put the car into reverse. He knew she'd probably kill him but maybe a trip to the drug store was in order. Just in case.

**(BREAK)**

He arrived back on her doorstep about an hour and a half later, appearing sheepish.

One well manicured eyebrow quirked upward, immediately suspicious at his expression. "Are you the boomerang boyfriend?" She teased, looking a tiny bit better than before.

"How're you feeling?' Cal moved into the entry before turning and leaning toward her. Catching the faintest scent of toothpaste, he figured it was safe to catch her lips in a tiny kiss.

Laying a hand against his chest she gently returned his kiss, keeping it chaste despite the yearning that immediately built up within. "A little tender. Not too bad though, weirdly enough." She looked at him a little more closely, noting his nervousness. "Don't take this the wrong way, but why are you back so soon? A phone call could have sufficed."

Cal's eyes shifted away, worried about her impending wraith. "I was wondering if you could do me a small favor."

Gillian frowned in confusion. "Of course. If I can."

He hesitantly handed her the small bag. Still frowning, she took the bag, and peered inside. The frown melted into astonishment. "Seriously Cal?"

His eyes worked their way back to her face while his shoulder rose in a small shrug.

It had never occurred to her. She'd been feeling ill for how long? Off and on for about a week and a half now. But it was impossible. She had always been told that her chances were almost nonexistent. Almost.

Holding his breath, he watched as her expressions shifted from one to another without any kind of transition. Astonishment, anger, worry, bewilderment, excitement, sadness. It was almost dizzying.

She counted backward in her mind, analyzing her cycle. Could it be? No. She'd been disappointed way too many times before. But, if she figured correctly, she was indeed late. Of course that wasn't unheard of. She'd been late before.

"Look Gil – I'm sorry. The last thing I wanted to do was upset you." He reached to take the bag. She didn't forfeit it, so he dropped his hand.

Without a word, she turned her back on him and walked toward the bathroom.

Cal was suddenly terrified.


	6. Chapter 6

**Sorry - just a short chapter that I felt compelled to throw out there. :-)**

Cal dropped onto the couch, head in hands. The horror of what he'd done was sinking in with grave like certainty. The idea of a baby wasn't the problem. In fact, as he'd driven around contemplating it, he'd become more and more excited by the prospect. Gillian having his baby was one of the most amazing experiences he could ever hope for. The idea of Emily having a tiny new sibling made him want to burst with pride. But by doing the thing that he always tended to do, which was jumping in without looking, he'd just exposed Gillian to devastation beyond anything he could ever even imagine. He was such a selfish bastard for even bringing it up – obviously, the possibility had never occurred to her. She had accepted the fact that she would never be able to have children and here he just unthinkingly ripped open that old scar. He hung his head a little lower, debating his options.

Only a few minutes had passed.

He got up and helped himself to her stash of scotch and took a hefty swig. Here it was not even noon yet and he was already tossing them back. Bloody hell.

Roaming around the living room aimlessly, he kept his head down, studying his feet. He wasn't sure how he'd be able to handle her disappointment. Her tears were always crippling to him. Knowing that they would be entirely his doing this time was bound to kill him. _How the hell could he do this to her? What had he been thinking?_

Finishing his drink, he placed the glass in the sink to avoid a refill.

He started pacing again, panic and anger making him more frenetic.

"Cal?"

Stopping, he looked up. She was still in the back, her voice floating to the front room. "Yeah?" Even he could hear the tremor in his voice.

"Could you come here?"

Cal couldn't tell a damn thing from her voice. It was almost monotone, which scared him even more.

"Sure, luv."

He joined her in the little bathroom, anguish settling into his features.

"Were you drinking Cal?" She looked at him almost suspiciously, before trepidation entered her eyes.

He decided not to answer when he caught her flicker of fear. "Are you okay?" He felt his heart begin to sink before a realization almost smacked him between the eyes. _Wait a minute_. _Fear?_

She held up the test and they both looked at it.

Then they looked at one another.

Both pairs of eyes fell back down to the test.

Cal commented first. "Holy shit."

Gillian's eyes were huge and shimmering as her hand started to tremble, almost dropping the test. "Oh my God…"

Gently taking it from her loose fingers, he placed it on the bathroom counter before leading her to the living room couch and sitting her down. He sat next to her, held her hand and worriedly peered into her face. "Gil, luv?"

Feeling shell shocked, she could only stare at him. Words had completely failed.

He reached his hand out and caressed the side of her face, his expression completely open to her. It held such a perfect balance of love and awe, that all her emotions overwhelmed her in one fell swoop. Tears began to flow freely followed by harsh sobs. Cal pulled her into his arms as she cried against his chest, easily soaking the thin cotton. He just held her closer, smoothing her hair with his fingers, as the corners of his mouth began to curl into a huge grin.

The tears gradually subsided as held her.

"Cal?"

"Mmhm?"

"Why were you drinking earlier?"

He sighed and pulled back to look into her face. It was flushed and tear-streaked but absolutely radiant. Wiping away one stray tear with his thumb he held her eyes with his own. "I was scared, kind of angry." His voice was quiet.

Her eyes immediately widened.

"No luv. Not what you think." He absently played with her hair as she watched him closely. "I was pissed off at myself. I got so into the idea of a baby that I didn't stop to think what it would be like for you if…" Cal's voice trailed off. There was no reason to complete the thought.

The corners of her mouth twitched slightly before pulling upward. Fresh tears threatened.

"Ah no. Don't you be doing that again!" He leaned forward and caught her in another kiss, putting a bit more passion into it this time.

She cradled his face in her hands as she returned his kiss with fervor. Breaking away suddenly, she started to giggle.

Looking bemused, he cocked an eyebrow.

Gillian continued to giggle as he watched.

"Okay darlin'. I have to say that that is one very odd reaction. I haven't been laughed at since I was 14 and Jenny Buchanan and I were playing grab ass behind the school. I think I've improved immeasurably since then."

She laughed harder while he chuckled. Stress relief. Pure and simple.

Gillian gradually got herself under control. There were just so many feelings swirling underneath. _A baby. It couldn't be possible. Could it? After all this time, why now? She had accepted the fact that she'd never be a mother and now…_

She got to her feet suddenly, looking down into Cal's eyes. "I think….I think it would be a good idea if I called my doctor to set up an appointment just to make sure…"

"I'd like to go with you."

Gillian narrowed her eyes at him, lips twisting slightly to the side.

"I promise I'll be good."


	7. Chapter 7

**Feeling quite prolific lately. Hope everyone is enjoying the ride!**

Cal was sitting at the edge of the hospital bed when the doctor approached them. "How are you both doing?" The OBGYN held out a hand to first Gillian, then

Cal. He then stood back to scrutinize the patient chart. After several long moments, he snapped it shut and gave them both a big smile. "About ready?" Dr. Chandler had been with them every step of the way throughout Gillian's pregnancy. Gil adored him and Cal begrudgingly admitted that he seemed to know what he was doing. It hadn't been an easy ride but today was the day. A caesarian section had been scheduled to avoid as much stress on mother and baby as possible.

"Well, we'll soon have you prepped and heading in. How are you feeling?"

Gillian smiled nervously. "A little scared."

Cal brushed his lips against her temple as the doctor looked on.

"Understandable, but everything looks really good. The baby has a very strong heartbeat and definitely seems ready to come out and meet mom and dad." He gave them another reassuring smile. "I'll see you both in the O.R." He nodded to them again before striding out of the room.

"How are you doing Mum?" Cal smiled at her tenderly, kissing her cheek again and resting his head against hers.

She nestled a little closer to him, comforted by the solid feel of his body against hers. "Scared, nervous, excited. Happy to finally be able to get out of bed."

The last trimester had been particularly rough. Caution dictated constant bed rest and Cal had made sure that Gillian had complied. It had been a _long_ 3 months.

His low chuckle vibrated through his chest, causing her to relax ever so slightly. "Sounds about right darlin'. Now on to midnight feedings and no sleep." Cal looked down into her face, eyes crinkling with amusement before leaning in and taking her lips in a soft kiss.

There was a soft knock on the door just before a familiar face peeked in. "Dad? Gil?" Emily wandered in, a humungous grin plastered to her face. "Hey! Isn't that how you guys got into this?" Her dark eyes teased. "Is it almost time?"

"Did you flunk biology or somethin' girl?" Cal stood and pulled his daughter into a bear hug, as Gillian watched with a gentle smile. "Very soon. Prepping her shortly."

After her dad released her, the girl moved over to the bed to give her step mom an awkward hug as well. "I am so happy and excited for you!" Emily could barely contain herself. "I can't wait to baby-sit!"

"Well, that'll change." Cal smirked playfully. "But we'll try to hold you to it anyway."

There was another low knock and a nurse popped around the corner "Mrs. Lightman?"

Gillian immediately perked up, not bothering to correct the mistaken title. It was bound to get too confusing. "Yes?"

"We need to take care of a few things before surgery. Would it be okay if your visitors stepped out for a minute?"

"Sure." Cal leaned down, giving Gillian another brief kiss before accompanying Emily into the hallway.

"How are you doing dad?" Emily looked up at him, trying her hand at reading his expression. It wasn't hard. The whole pregnancy roller coaster had been quite effective in weakening his neutral mask, at least from a personal standpoint. Professionally, he hadn't changed a bit.

"I'm actually good Em. Going to be quite an adventure. Been a long time since I've done the diaper thing." He gave her a wink.

"You honestly don't know what it is?" She thought she'd give it a go again, raising her brows slightly.

"Didn't seem important, luv. Besides, the little bugger's shy." Gillian hadn't wanted to know but he'd been curious. It didn't matter anyway – baby had other ideas.

"Imagine that. A shy Lightman." Emily ceremoniously mused while Cal rolled his eyes. "Huh. No, can't imagine it." She giggled before going up on her toes to kiss his cheek. "I really need to get to class now but I wanted to stop and check on you guys. You call me!" She had started to move away, walking backward and shaking a finger at him. "I mean it, Dad!"

"Yes officer."

She turned around, quick flashed another grin over her shoulder and ducked into the nearest elevator.

Gazing after her, he had a brief bout of nostalgia. Almost 19 years old. Didn't seem like that much time had passed. _Hadn't she just been 7 the other day? Crap. _He shook his head ever so slightly. Happily, she had decided to attend University in DC, but he knew that she had transfer plans on the horizon ready to take her away from him. And here he was, about ready to have another little one. It was dizzying.

"Dr. Lightman?'

He spun around to face the nurse. "Yeah?"

"We're just about ready to take your wife down. You just need to change." She handed him a bundle. Scrubs. _This was really happening._

Cal changed quickly in the Gillian's tiny bathroom. He even had a mask to cover his scruff and paper coverings for his boots. Trembling slightly, he accompanied Gillian down to the operating room, holding her hand the whole way.

**(BREAK)**

Butterflies were attempting to break free from Gillian's stomach on the ride down. She clutched Cal's hand almost too firmly but he just gave her an encouraging smile from behind his surgical mask.

She was pushed through one pair of double doors and then another pair where they all were waiting for her on the other side.

Once in the O.R., Gillian wiggled herself onto the table with some assistance before being told to sit completely still and curl forward as much as possible to separate her vertebrae. The epidural was just a quick bee sting and it was only moments before she felt the coldness sweep down her back followed by numbness.

As they positioned her on the table, spreading out her arms on either side of her and securing the drapes, she lost her husband in a sea of green. Heart thumping, she looked around in a panic. "Cal?"

"I'm here darlin'." He appeared near her head, brushing her cheek lightly with his fingertips.

She immediately started to relax, unsure whether it was his presence or all the meds currently being pumped into her. Gillian gave him a dopey smile while he beamed down at her. "I love you."

"Love you too." She could see his eyes twinkling as the words quietly left his lips.

"Comfortable?"

Dr. Chandler was addressing Gillian. It took her a second to notice. "What? Yes, of course."

"Okay, mom and dad, let's get this little one out of there."

Gillian gasped at the sudden feeling of being 'unzipped.' There was no pain, but she could feel a lot of pressure as the doctor maneuvered within and did his job. Despite the oxygen mask, she was having a hard time catching her breath. She had been warned about the possibility but it was still an unnerving feeling. Looking up, she caught Cal's eye. He gave her shoulder a reassuring squeeze while his eyes left hers to peek over the drapery. There was a tiny little window for her, but of course it was angled in such a way that she couldn't initially see what was going on.

A lot more pressure caused her to give a low grunt and then suddenly there was nothing. She looked up into Cal's face, noting the widened eyes that seemed brighter than usual and his slack jaw. Everything was quiet for just a moment before a small face was pushed up against the window in the drapery, immediately followed by the sound of applause and the squeal of one very angry child.

"Oh My God!" Gillian's voice cracked as the baby's face disappeared in a flood of tears.

"You did it luv!" Cal's voice breathed into her ear. He pulled down his mask and kissed her tenderly. "You did it!"


	8. Chapter 8

**I know I kind of did a bit of a fast-forward but I guess I'm concerned about bogging things down – I just don't want to bore anyone. Also had an idea about some angst/suspense by not sure if it has a place in this particular story. Thoughts? Guidance? **

** Thanks to all for your constant support!**

* * *

><p>"What is it Cal?" Gillian managed to ask between sobs and smiles.<p>

"A boy, luv. A boy." His expression was just filled with pride, awe and love. Tears were bright in his eyes.

"Here you go dad!"

The pediatric nurse crossed over to them and placed a now clean James Timothy Lightman into Cal's arms. "7 lbs, 11 oz and 21 ½ inches long. He looks wonderful. Congratulations to you both!"

Cal stared down at the little red face who just blinked at him in the bright light. _His son_. "Hey mate. It's time you met your mum." Turning, he leaned over so Gillian could visibly take in their little miracle. Awkwardly, she managed to move a hand that seemed heavier than it should be and gently stroked the baby's cheek with one finger. She followed with a gentle kiss. The baby squinted at her and yawned with a little squeak, eliciting a chuckle from both parents. Gillian couldn't stop staring. He was the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen. _Her son. Their son._ "Hi James." She planted another kiss on the tiny cheek, desperately wanting to hold him, but knowing she had to wait just a little bit longer.

"Okay, Gillian. I'm closing you up now." It took her a second to realize that Dr. Chandler was speaking to her again. For a moment, the world had shrunken to just the baby, her and Cal. "You'll spend a couple of hours in recovery before they take you up to your room. 'Dad' and your little one will join you there."

She nodded before realizing that words would work a little better from behind all the draping. "Okay."

**(BREAK)**

Gillian was relaxed and giddy with motherhood and morphine when they arrived with the baby. The nurse pushed the bassinet while Cal strolled in, practically puffed up like a peacock. He leaned over and gave her a lingering kiss. "Hey darling."

She smiled brightly at him before her eyes cut away to the baby.

"I'll leave you alone for some bonding time." The nurse grinned at them. "Give me a call if you need anything." With that she disappeared.

Cal gently lifted James, cradling him protectively against his chest. "There's someone who is just aching to give you a hug little man. You be good to her."

And then Gillian was holding her tiny son for the very first time.

She stared down at him as the world disappeared. Awe, amazement, shock, love couldn't even begin to describe the bundle of emotions flowing through her. She stroked his cheek with her finger as he blinked up at her. Moved her finger to his hand and smiled as he immediately grasped it. His grip was firm. Gillian continued to gaze at him, not even noticing the tears flowing down her cheeks. With a sniffle, she cuddled him closer, gently kissing his forehead, his cheeks, his hands, and his fingers. They were long and thin. Pianist fingers. She gave them a quick count. Did the same with his toes. James seemed almost equally fascinated. He peered up at her from beneath his beanie, blinking and giving squeaky little yawns. His eyes were blue, but she knew that that could very well change. He continued to hold onto her finger. Didn't seem to want to let go.

Cal watched from the convertible sofa, eyes warm. He still felt overwhelmed himself but witnessing Gillian with the baby touched his soul in a way that he could never even attempt to vocalize.

Jarring himself, he reached into his pocket to grab his phone. Had to contact his firstborn. _Firstborn._ Wow. Unsure whether or not she was in class, he just sent her a quick text.

**'Come meet your new baby brother.' **

He almost put it back in his pocket, before reconsidering. In a rare gushing moment, he sent out a blanket text to his staff.

**'James Timothy Lightman. Born 2/2/12 9:17 am. Mom and baby doing fine.'**

Cal replaced the phone into his pocket, quickly glancing at Gillian when he heard the baby give out a cry followed by a little irate squawk. Followed by another cry. Then he was quiet.

She had begun to nurse him.

On slightly weak legs, he got up and crossed to sit carefully on the side of the bed. She looked at him beaming, as he leaned in for another kiss. "You're a natural," he murmured against her lips.

Zoey hadn't breastfed Emily. The idea had seemed to disgust and horrify her. Of course, she'd never been the most maternal person. Gillian, on the other hand…

"Are you crying Dr. Lightman?" Gillian teased as she caught his too bright eyes.

"No. Absolutely not." He managed to appear insulted. "Allergies."

"You don't have allergies."

"They can develop at any time."

"Mmhm."

**(BREAK)**

Emily arrived about an hour later, bouncing into the room and into her father's arms. Her smile was threatening to split her face right in half. She couldn't stop moving.

"How much caffeine have you had?" Cal arced an eyebrow at her.

"Funny dad." She pulled away from him, paused to make a consorted effort to calm herself and moved toward the bed.

Gillian had refused to put the baby down for even a moment. He now slept comfortably in her arms, giving out occasional little sighs.

Emily's eyes were like dinner plates. "Oh my God. He's beautiful!" She gave Gillian a kiss on the cheek before gently kissing her baby brother on the forehead. "Wow." She suddenly whirled on her dad. "Is there a reason you didn't text me his name?"

Cal gave a shrug and a smirk. "Thought it would get you here faster."

"James Timothy Lightman." It was Gil. Her voice was full of pride and love.

Emily shifted her eyes back to the baby, tenderly running her fingers across his cheek. "Hi James. Welcome to the family."


	9. Chapter 9

**Holy Crow! That's what happens when I upload at 4:00 in the morning. ;) Sorry about the goof up. Here's the REAL chapter 9! Argh!**

* * *

><p>Cal left his girls and little boy to make a cafeteria run. It hadn't occurred to him that he hadn't eaten a single thing all day until that familiar but unpleasant hazy weak feeling washed over him. Caffeine, at the very least, would be a very good thing.<p>

He waited by the elevator, rocking back on his heels. Thoughts congested his head to the point he figured some might be in danger of leaking out his ears. A baby. _Wow._ Emily was all ready head over heels. Of course that went without saying. He wouldn't have expected any less. She'd always been his and Gillian's biggest advocate. When she found out they were expecting, he worried that she would explode right then and there. She'd been _that _excited. As for her mother, a little less so. But Zoë being Zoë had kept herself in line and gone through all the motions. Did what would be considered _proper_ for the situation. Cal thought he'd caught some jealousy off of her, but it'd been quick. She knew she _had_ to be quick around him.

The cafeteria was busy, despite the off-hour. Cal went through the line, grabbing himself a muffin, fruit and a _huge_ coffee. He debated about returning to the room, but decided to give them a bit more time without his intrusion. Finding an empty table he plopped himself down.

His cell had been going off non-stop with a steady stream of congratulatory texts from his staff. Part of him was sincerely touched (not that he'd ever let them know that) and part of him wondered if they were actually getting any work done. Maybe contacting them wasn't one of his wisest choices. With a sigh, he shook it off. It wasn't priority at the moment.

If he had any regrets throughout this entire situation, it would be only one. Their lack of a _real_ wedding. His proposal had been less than stellar in his opinion but Gillian had cried and said yes despite his nervous bumbling. He rarely got nervous, but for that, naturally he had to make an exception. Her one caveat though, was the fact that she wanted them to be married _before_ the baby's birth. He honestly didn't care about old school sensibilities but Gillian had been adamant. Unfortunately, with the pregnancy being a difficult one, their wedding ceremony had consisted of a bedside service with a justice of the peace and a few witnesses. Cal could feel her disappointment even through her usual grace and smiles. Without a doubt, he had definite plans to make it up to her. Just a question of timing at this point.

Inhaling the rest of his food, he dumped the garbage and plates off at the disposal station, grabbed his coffee and headed for the door.

He brushed past an orderly on his way out before stopping suddenly and turning.

The man had been quite unremarkable. Above average height, slim, watery brown eyes, thirties. His expression was what made him stand out to Cal.

Contempt.

Cal returned to the cafeteria, keen eyes scanning for the orderly. He noticed him edging toward one of the back tables by the glass wall separating the room from the outside patio. There were several young women clustered there. They seemed to be unaware of the man's presence.

"Oi!" Cal jogged to catch up with him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. "Do you think you could do me a huge favor mate?"

The man looked surprised, before irritation seeped in.

One of the women at the table began to appear uneasy when she noticed the exchange.

"This place is a bloody labyrinth." Cal gave him an easy grin. "Do you think you could direct me to Radiology?" He glanced down at the name badge. Brad Tucker.

"Ahhh.." He looked between the table and Cal. "Look man, I'd love to but I only have a few minutes. You know how it goes. Gotta eat when we can."

The woman's expression was beginning to shift from wariness to fear.

Cal took note. "Oh yeah, I understand. She's a cute little number in't she? But Brad, seriously though, it'll just take a second. I'm pretty sure it was on this floor somewhere. Wife's gonna be pissed if I don't meet her and all."

The man's breathing had started to accelerate. A thin sheen of sweat glistened on his forehead under the fluorescent lights. Becoming more agitated.

"Hey, you okay?" Cal feigned concern, allowing his eyes to quickly move around the room. A security guard would be good. No such luck at the moment.

"I'm fine. I just can't take you right now. There's a directory in the lobby." His tone was approaching anger while one hand hovered at the waistband of his scrubs.

"No worries." He began to walk away, glancing over his shoulder. The man's back was to him while he stared toward the one young woman. Fear had gone to terror. The whole table had stopped eating and seemed to be holding their breath as they watched the exchange. No one else in the cafeteria took any kind of notice.

"Actually, there's one more thing." Cal approached the man again.

"What?" It was now a hiss.

"You really want to do this?" Cal lowered his voice, appearing calm, even though his heart was hammering inside.

Tucker's face swung toward him, confusion beginning to knot his features. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about what you're planning."

"Not planning nothing."

"She's very young and pretty. Somebody's daughter, yeah?"

He blinked, shifting his focus between the girl and Cal.

"Someone's granddaughter. Probably a lot of people love her."

"I love her!" The voice began with a whine and ended with a bite.

"Yeah, I see that."

"She's everything!"

The girl was watching, listening and apparently debating whether it would be in her best interests to bolt or dive under the table. She wound up freezing instead. Her table mates were up and slowly moving away. So much for a united front.

A group of residents sitting at another table were slowly becoming aware of the situation that was unfolding. One was going for his phone.

"I'm sure she deserves your adoration. She's probably very special." Cal was trying very hard to keep the man's attention. He was aware that people were starting to notice, he could only hope that no one would do anything overtly stupid. "Does she have a little brother or sister?"

"Uhhhh."

"Or is she the baby?"

"She has a little brother."

"Oh yeah?" Cal was feeling sick inside by playing this game, but it was important for this man to see the girl as a person, not an object.

"Yeah, Joey."

Cal moved a tiny bit closer. "You don't really want to hurt her now do you?"

Tucker was shaking. Beads of sweat had broken free and were rolling down his face. Confusion laced with anguish tore through his face.

"Do you want to give me that weapon?" Cal's voice was surprisingly gentle, almost like he was calming a spooked horse.

The man slowly removed the revolver from his waistband while Cal unconsciously held his breath. He held out his hand. "What do you think mate? I'm sure Joey loves his big sis, yeah?"

Noticing the gun, the girl's eyes widened as her face became paler. She started to cry. "Brad…?"

Her soft voice caught his attention. Tucker swung toward her, anger and contempt folding into his features once more.

_No, no, no_.

"You BITCH! I did EVERYTHING for you!"

The gun hand began to rise, pointing at the girl. "WHY DO YOU THINK YOU SHOULD GET AWAY WITH IT?" The man was now screaming.

Knowing the girl's death was imminent; Cal grabbed the man's wrist and pulled it down and away as Tucker squeezed the trigger.

**(BREAK)**

Emily was holding James while Gillian managed to take a little nap. She just loved looking down into his little face. He was so adorable.

The nurse had popped in briefly and Emily caught a quick lesson on diaper changing and baby burrito making. A little gross but not too bad. The whole baby burrito thing seemed kind of funny but apparently it was really comforting for them. She could totally see that now. James got _very_ upset while he was being changed (she guessed, with amusement, that her dad might refer to the diaper as a 'nappy'), but immediately calmed when the blanket was wrapped snugly around him. Right now he was content to wiggle his fingers and stare up into Emily's face. He was an amazingly alert little guy.

Emily managed a quick glance at her watch.

_Where the heck did dad go for food? Tibet?_


	10. Chapter 10

As the gun's report echoed through the cafeteria, Cal kidney punched Tucker with his left fist. The man gasped in pain and began to double over as his gun was wrenched from his fingers. Seconds later, several others came in for the tackle. Cal leapt back, gun in hand, to avoid the dog pile. Security arrived seconds later.

"Jenny! Come on! I would never have hurt you!" Tucker continued to scream as one security guard put a knee squarely in his back and handcuffed him.

Cal moved closer and peered down at him, allowing a cold anger to spread across his face. "You're full of crap you wanker."

The girl wandered a little closer, giving Brad Tucker a wide birth. She wound up next to Cal and looked up at him.

He stared back. She was so tiny. Not much older then Emily. Her badge read 'Jennifer Young.' She was a nurse's assistant. "You okay luv?"

Nodding, she continued to watch him, eyes huge. "How did you know?"

A tiny smile tugged at his mouth. "Just a knack for reading people."

"Thank you."

"Course darlin'."

Looking down, a frown crinkled her brow. "You're bleeding."

Startled, Cal followed her gaze. Sure enough, the bullet apparently had grazed him across the ribcage. Blood was beginning to soak through the thin fabric of his shirt and dribble down toward the waistband of his jeans. As the shocked nerves recovered, a horrible burning and aching spread through his side. Without thinking he inspected it with his fingers. A tiny bit of bone shone through. "Ah, hell."

As Tucker was led away, medical personnel surrounded Cal. He thought that it was pretty damned convenient that he was in a hospital. He also thought that it was entirely possible that Gillian was going to kill him.

**(BREAK)**

Emily watched as a nurse arrived at the entry of Gillian's room and proceeded to quickly pull the door shut.

"Hey!" Her voice rang out, inadvertently startling the baby and Gillian out of a light sleep. "What's going on?"

The woman appeared a trifle uncomfortable. "Just a small disturbance. Nothing to worry about. It's probably just a drill. Please stay in the room."

She was gone before Emily had time to question her further.

"Emily?" Gillian felt groggy as she turned to look at Emily and the baby. "What's going on?"

"I'm not sure. Nurse said it was _probably_ a drill."

Frowning, Gill's eyes took a quick perusal of the room. "Where's your dad?"

"Um…"

"He didn't come back."

"Not yet."

James' started to cry and Emily immediately brought him to his mom.

Gillian folded the infant into her arms, maneuvering so she could more easily nurse him. Her incision was tender, so it took a little extra effort. "Hungry, sweetie?" Her voice was so gentle but her face pinched with worry.

Blue eyes met dark brown as the two women looked at one another.

"You don't think…"

"I'm sure he's fine Em," Gill's words didn't fit her face.

Emily pulled out her phone, eyes not leaving Gillian's. It rang as she held it.

**(BREAK)**

They had insisted on a wheelchair. Not impressed initially, he was now thankful. His side was starting to really hurt like hell.

Wiping blood off his hand onto his jeans, he reached into his pocket to grab his phone. The simple movement had him gritting his teeth as he felt sweat break out on his forehead.

He direct dialed Emily. She immediately picked it up.

"Dad? What happened?"

"I got detained."

"Did you get caught in the lockdown?"

"Kind of."

Long silence. "Are _you_ the reason for the lockdown?"

"Your faith in me is astounding."

"Answer the question."

"Um, not exactly, but maybe, kind of. Just a little."

He heard Emily's voice move away from the phone, speaking to Gillian. "I think he got himself in trouble again."

"Eh!" The word changed into a gasp as he shifted his body in annoyance.

"Dad! What was that?"

"What was what?"

"You sounded funny for a second."

"Does anything get past you?"

"No. I learned from the best."

Cal grunted in acknowledgement. "Look darlin', I need to go for the moment, but I'll be back upstairs as soon as I can."

He had arrived at treatment for stitches and who knew what else. _Could hardly wait._

"Wait a minute Dad, what exactly happened?"

"I'll tell you everything but I have to go now. They need to patch me up."

"What?" Emily's voice cracked slightly, but he was already gone.

Still holding the phone up, she cast a long look at Gillian. "He just said he'd be up as soon as he could. I'm not sure what happened." She purposely left out the 'patch me up' part, not wanting to alarm her step mom.

Gillian wasn't fooled. "Is he _okay_?" Her heart was starting to beat a little faster.

"Well, yeah, I think so."

With a knock, the nurse popped back in. "Just needed to check your incision sight Mrs. Lightman."

Frowning with worry, Gillian gave a slight nod. "Em, could you?"

"Yeah, sure." Emily took James and sat with him. She peered down at him as he studied her. "You know somethin' kiddo?" Her voice lowered to a conspiratorial whisper. "We have a dad who is kind of a nut job. But he's a good guy at heart." She kissed his cheek.

The nurse asked several questions about Gillian's recovery before checking the surgical sight. "We'll be taking those staples out before you go home. Internal sutures will absorb of course. Right now we need you to get up and walk a bit."

"I'd like to ask you a quick question first, if you don't mind."

"By all means."

"What happened a little bit ago? _Was_ it some kind of drill?"

Immediately the woman became uncomfortable. "I'm not really at liberty to say."

Without pretense, Gillian grabbed her arm. "My husband went down to the cafeteria and has not come back. What happened? Please?"

Still hesitating, the nurse looked down at her patient, inwardly debating. _Really. What difference could it possibly make now?_ With a sigh, she relented. "Apparently there was some kind of incident involving a man threatening his ex-girlfriend with a gun. A hospital visitor managed to disarm him and got himself shot in the process."

Gillian felt the blood run from her face. "The visitor…?"

Emily's head popped up in response as well, her mouth hanging slightly open, eyes widening.

"Stable from my understanding. I'm sorry, I don't know anything more." The nurse studied Gillian a little more closely, "Are you okay? I'm sure your husband will be back shortly." Her voice was very gentle.

"I'm sure." The response was just a whisper before she turned back to the other woman. "Could I try walking a little later?"

"Can't be too much later. The sooner you're on your feet, the better."

"I understand."

"I'll be back in a half an hour." A quick smile flashed at Gillian before moving to Emily. With that, she was gone.

**(BREAK)**

A tetanus shot, an antibiotic shot, a painkiller and about 3000 stitches (seemingly) to close the flesh over his exposed rib and Cal was oh so ready to get out of there. All he wanted was to get back to Gillian. Unfortunately, the very act of moving was quite a trick. Levitation would be nice, but since that was not an option, he had to step very carefully to avoid excessively jarring his body. On the plus side, his posture was better than it'd been in years.

He placed his feet down on the tile before cautiously standing erect. His wound was bandaged and taped securely. A hospital gown had replaced his ruined shirt. Although he was still wearing his jeans, he felt somewhat vulnerable.

"Dr. Lightman?"

Cal slowly moved his head toward the voice. He felt like all his movements were going to be slow for a quite a while. Physically, his body was probably going to thank him, mentally, he was going to be falling off his nut. It wasn't going to be a pretty picture. Especially with a newborn. A small sigh escaped his lips.

Jenny, the nurse's assistant from the cafeteria approached him. "I just wanted to check on you. See if you were okay." She gave him a hesitant, almost shy smile.

"I'm okay darlin'. Just waiting for some prescriptions so I can head back to my family."

Nodding, she continued to gaze up at him. "I also wanted to thank you again."

He nodded, giving her a half smile, feeling a bit uncomfortable. "No worries."

An RN returned with several prescriptions, and various printed and verbal instructions. "Do you have someone to drive you home?"

"Actually, I just need to get back to the maternity ward."

"Pardon?"

"My wife just had a baby before I got involved in, uh, well, the situation in the cafeteria. I just want to get back to her."

"I could take him up." Jenny stepped forward as Cal watched her, a puzzled frown creasing his brow. Without waiting for an answer, she turned to locate a wheelchair.

"Okay then. Don't forget to follow up with your personal doctor in a week to 10 days. Any unusual issues, do not hesitate to come back here."

"Sure."

Jenny returned with the wheelchair, putting the brakes on and looking at him expectantly.

"Listen luv, I think I'd rather walk up myself. My wife's gonna be a bit upset and I'd like to respect her privacy. Besides, I really _feel_ like walking." That last part was a lie.

Disappointment and hurt settled into her eyes.

"I do really appreciate the offer. You take care." Cal put a gentle hand on her shoulder before moving toward the double doors that would eventually lead to the bank of elevators.


	11. Chapter 11

"Hey now. What do you think you're doing?" A gruff but friendly voice sounded from behind Cal.

With care, he turned to peer behind him, taking note of the rather large man closing distance between them. Steel gray hair and a matching beard complemented deep blue eyes. A dark maroon tunic signified his status as a volunteer. The nametag simply read 'BJ.'

"Pardon?"

Eyebrows raised, the man made a tsk tsk sound under his breath. "You don't look like you need to be wandering around here on foot. You need a lift?"

Cal debated for only a second. "Actually mate, I'd be indebted." His side shrieked with every step but he hadn't wanted that girl to bring him upstairs. Something seemed off.

"Okay, you stay put and I'll be right back." BJ strolled off, easily covering twice the distance of a smaller man in half the time and was back almost instantly, pushing a wheelchair ahead of him.

**(BREAK) **

BJ pushed Cal through the entry of Gillian's room with a booming "Knock knock!"

Emily was immediately on her feet. "Dad!"

"Hey Em." He looked past her to where his wife was lying, holding their baby. Her expression was filled with relief, love (he was happy to see) and anger (not so happy to see, but expected nonetheless). At least he had the good sense to appear abashed. "Hi darlin'."

The volunteer set the brakes of the wheelchair. One hand hovered near the other man's elbow, but did not touch him. Cal managed to push himself up and out with a grimace. Emily wanted to give him a hug but was afraid of hurting him. She satisfied herself with taking his hand as he gave her a warm smile. "I'm okay luv."

"You don't look particularly okay."

BJ backed out of the room. "Need anything else Doc?"

"Nah mate, I'm good." He caught Gillian's eye. "I think."

The man chuckled. "Alright then. See ya hero." He then disappeared from the room.

Bemused, and more than a little annoyed, Cal stared after him.

"What did he mean Cal?" Gillian's voice clipped from across the room. Worriedly, she watched as he slowly worked his way toward her. His movements were stiff and measured. Emily still held onto his hand.

"Guess you heard a little bit?" Straight backed, he carefully sat on the edge of her bed, reaching a hand out to automatically stroke his son's cheek before taking his lumps and delicately kissing his son's mother.

"Not a whole lot." Emily had released her hold on him but hovered closely. "Something about a gunman in the cafeteria….and a hospital _visitor_ disarming him and getting _shot_ in the process" Her tone had a little more bite than she intended.

"Well, you lot pretty much have the whole story then, right? And it wasn't exactly a shooting, it was more of a grazing." His attempt to downplay events was met with long moments of steely silence.

"Cal?" Gillian raised an eyebrow, eyes warning, and expression firm. "What exactly happened down there?"

With a sigh, Cal recounted the morning's events, watching as Gillian's worry and anger became ever more pronounced. "I'm sorry darlin'. It was…instinctive."

"You do realize that you could have been killed."

"Yeah."

"You do realize that we have a little boy that deserves to grow up knowing his father?" Gillian's voice began to shake. Picking up upon his mother's state of mind, James began to cry. She immediately attempted to soothe him but he would have none of it.

"Do you want me to take him? I can rock him." Emily volunteered and after a moment, Gill relinquished him to his sister. The teenager paced the small room as the baby gradually quieted.

Cal hung his head. He really didn't know what to say. She was right. He should have never attempted to intervene. He should have called security right away and left it to them. _And the girl would very possibly be dead now…_

"Do you have any idea how scared we were? All we know is some kind of situation placed the hospital on lockdown and lo and behold, YOU'RE not here!"

He met her eyes again, deciding it was best to just let her get it out. She had reason to be upset, but at the same time he expected that her tirade was also hormone induced, at least to some extent. He'd never dare voice that thought though.

"You can't keep doing this Cal! You're not a kid anymore! Seriously! What the hell is the matter with you?"

A smile flickered across his lips. "You're just askin' that _now_?"

Gillian had started to cry. Any semblance of a smile fell away from him. He scooted a little closer on the bed, and gathered her awkwardly in his arms, kissing the top of her head. One hand gently stroked her hair as she wept against his chest. "I'm so sorry luv. I really am."

Emily surreptitiously watched them as she rocked James. Part of her felt uncomfortable, like she shouldn't be there, but the other part was awed at the depth of their love for one another and was secretly touched to bear witness to it. She'd _never_ seen that kind of connection between her dad and her mom. Their relationship had been mostly love/hate. She'd actually been _glad _when they separated.

Cal rocked Gillian but apparently not gently enough as they both let out respective gasps of pain. He chanced a smile again. "We're quite the pair, aren't we, luv? Neither one of us can move now!"

**(BREAK)**

"Dr. Lightman?"

They'd been home about a week and had hired a mother's helper to bridge the gap until they were both a little more mobile. It had been Gillian's suggestion and although Cal had initially balked, he now figured it was a good one. The girl had been a huge help.

He was in his study working on his book, figuring it was better than bed rest but still impatient to return to 'real' work. Doctor wouldn't allow him though quite yet, so he kept himself busy otherwise when he wasn't on baby duty. "Yeah?"

Candace's voice drifted back to him. "There's someone at the door for you."

Frowning, he pulled his glasses off and dropped them near the keyboard. With some effort he pulled himself out of his office chair. His movements were still stiff but gradually getting better. He figured that he might be able to slouch by the end of next week.

Pausing near the base of the staircase he listened for any movement. None. Gillian and the baby were still asleep. That was a good thing. Even with expressed breast milk in the fridge, Gillian insisted on waking for James' feedings, even if Cal was there to wield the bottle. He smiled as he thought about it. New mommy euphoria.

Moving to the front door, his mask slipped into place as he took note of who was standing there.

"Thank you Candace."

The girl nodded and headed back to the kitchen.

Jenny Young stood on his doorstep. Out of uniform, she'd made obvious attempts to polish her appearance. Nice dress, subtle jewelry, a little too much make up. She held a large flower arrangement in her arms. "Hello Dr. Lightman! I thought I'd drop by to thank you again and to see how you and your family were doing."

He just looked at her. "We're doing well, thanks. How did you get my address?"

She blinked, surprised by his cool demeanor. "I…I'm sorry. I know someone in billing."

_Just a bit of a breach of privacy there. _

Cal continued to stare at her.

"Okay, maybe this was a bad idea. I just….well, I just thought…"

Allowing himself to appear to soften ever so slightly, his tone attempted reason. 'Look darlin', I'm happy that you're okay. I really am. You're ex won't be able to bug you for a very long time, but this is my home and I really like my privacy. You understand?"

"Cal? Who is it?" Gillian was heading down the stairs; one hand gripping the balustrade while the other cradled James. He was making little cooing sounds. Candace peeped out of the kitchen and immediately went to her. "Let me help you Mrs. Lightman." Gillian smiled at her in gratitude as the girl gently took her arm.

Jenny brazenly moved past Cal into the entry. "So, you must be Gillian!"

Puzzled, Gill's eyes flitted to her husband. _And this is…?_

The young woman moved forward, offering a hand but Cal gripped her firmly around the arm. "Now's not a good time. We're not really up for visitors." His eyebrows rose, his eyes starting to glint as he looked down at her.

"I'm sorry, who are you?" Gillian smiled, looking at the other woman.

"Jenny Young. She's the young lady I helped out at the hospital." Cal's voice was anything but hospitable.

"I didn't mean to intrude," she pulled away from Cal. "I just wanted to thank him again and see how everyone was doing." Her voice and eyes lowered, but not before Cal noted her anger. "I'm sorry. This is a bad time." With that, she leaned over and placed the flower arrangement on the patio before headed back down the path. As she climbed into her aging Civic, she tossed another glance over her shoulder. Hurt and anger.

Cal watched stoically as she pulled away from the curb.


	12. Chapter 12

**Admittedly, my muse has gone a little bit out of control, but I hope you guys are enjoying the ride as much as I am! Guess it's turned into more of a 'Journey Continuing' than a 'Journey's End...' **

* * *

><p>He found the rose under the window wiper of his car. There was a note wrapped around the stem. Avoiding the thorns, he pulled the note free.<p>

_**Dr. Lightman,**_

_**I'm so sorry for everything. I just wanted to let you know how indebted I feel toward you. Please forgive me. I don't know what I'd do if you didn't forgive me.**_

Naturally, it wasn't signed. It didn't need to be.

It had been almost a month since Jenny Young had appeared on his doorstep. He honestly didn't think he'd hear anything more after practically drop kicking her out of his home. Unfortunately that hadn't been the case. Phone calls, unmarked gifts and notes were becoming the norm now. Gillian had encouraged him to be tolerant, believing it to be gratitude and a harmless crush but, for Cal, it had worn thin. With a sigh, he tossed the rose, but kept the note. He'd been keeping _all_ her notes.

Instead of heading to the Lightman Group, he decided to detour and have a little chat with Brad Tucker at County.

**(BREAK)**

He sat in the cubicle waiting for Tucker. Thick acrylic separated visitors from inmates, communication done entirely through phone.

Cal had been here almost a year ago. Different inmate though. Of course that one had long since been transferred to an entirely different facility.

The man entered from Cal's left, showing honest surprise and confusion at his visitor. Interestingly, there was no anger.

He nodded before picking up the phone. Tucker immediately followed suit.

"Brad, thought I'd stop for a chat. You alright with that?"

Frowning, he nervously chewed on the inside of his cheek. "Okay."

"Noticed that you don't or rather, you didn't have a criminal record."

Small shrug.

"You don't even have any traffic or parking tickets."

"I had a speeding ticket once, but I went to one of those comedy traffic school things to get rid of it."

Cal nodded slowly, thinking about what he'd read. Guy was 34, working as an orderly while he attended night school. Was pursuing a computer science AA. Ran track in high school. Clean, didn't even smoke. Parents local – married almost 40 years, still lived in the same house where Brad grew up. Didn't make a whole lot of sense, but then again, neither does love.

"Can you tell me about Jenny?"

The brown eyes instantly narrowed and his jaw clenched. "What do you want to know?"

"I guess I'm curious why you'd throw away your life by tryin' to kill her."

Tucker was quiet for a moment. He appeared uncomfortable. "I don't think I should be talking about this."

"Yeah, yeah, gottcha. Trial and all. How about this? What is it about her that made you love her and then hate her?"

"I don't hate her."

"What made you so angry that day then?"

No answer.

"Look, I stopped you from making the mother of all mistakes and got myself shot in the process. You owe me."

Tucker stared at him, mouth gaping open. Shut it. Opened it again. Looked like a landed fish. "You got shot? I'm sorry."

Pausing, Cal decided that he believed him, but pushed ahead. "About Jenny…?"

"To be honest, I'm not sure what to say. I didn't even want a relationship. I just got out of a bad one and was trying to concentrate on school. But it was like she'd set her sights on me, you know? She just has a way of making you feel like _her_ ideas are _your_ ideas. Does that make any sense?"

Nodding, Cal said nothing.

"She has this innocent quality that just makes you want to protect her and I know damn well that she uses it. I mean, you saw how little she is. But she's also almost like a freakin' lion if you piss her off. We had a little argument one time – I think it was over something stupid like what movie to see, but she cut all my houseplants to bits with my kitchen shears. I was just in the bathroom when she did it."

"Had is occurred to you that she might need some help?"

"I guess, but she would be entirely normal within minutes. Thought it was just a temper sort of thing."

"What else can you tell me?"

"Before she broke up with me, I was becoming sure that she was trying to make me crazy. Can that happen? Can someone _make_ you crazy? Seriously, she goes after _me_, makes _me_ crazy and then breaks up with _me_. How messed up is that?"

"I guess it happens."

Tucker suddenly stopped and looked closely at Cal. "Why are you asking all this? Is she coming after you now?"

**(BREAK)**

Cal gave Wallowski a quick call once he got back to the car. She answered on the second ring.

"Eh, it's Lightman."

"Guess congrats are in order to you and Gillian."

"Thanks, but that's not why I'm calling."

"So I would presume."

"Would it be possible to run a check on someone for me?"

"Maybe. What's the deal?"

"I'd like to know a bit more about Jennifer Young."

Pause. "The _almost_ shooting victim at the hospital?"

"Yeah."

"Does Gillian know you're checking into her?"

"Seriously Wallowski? And no, not exactly. I don't want to alarm her."

"Why would it alarm her? What all do you need to tell me?"

Cal blew air out from between his lips. "Let's just say that this girl's actions are starting to make me feel like we may have a bit of a stalker problem."

"Uh huh." He could hear her struggle to hold her tongue. "Okay then, I'll sniff around and see what I find. I'll call you within the next couple of days." With that, she disconnected.

Deciding that he'd rather look at his wife and son right now instead of his office staff, Cal headed home.

**(BREAK)**

When Cal walked in, things were very quiet.

"Gill?" No answer.

Already set on high alert, Cal's heart rate accelerated. He checked all the downstairs rooms, finding them deserted. After which he slowly climbed the stairs, body tensing, heading immediately to the nursery before casting a look inside. A flood of relief washed through him and he found himself sagging against the doorjamb. Gillian was sitting in the glider rocking the baby. She gave him a smile and a little "Shhh" before carefully rising and placing James in his crib. She arranged his blanket before kissing two fingers and touching the child's forehead. Cal, as always, watched in awe.

Gillian grabbed the nursery monitor and shooed him out before quietly shutting the door behind them. "Hi."

"Hi darlin'." Cal leaned in and pressed his lips against hers in a proper greeting.

She felt herself start to melt into him as always before pulling away, grabbing his hand and taking him downstairs.

Pushing him down on the couch, she sat in his lap, cradled his face and kissed him heatedly. Instantly responding, one hand threaded through the hair at the back of her head while the other trailed fingers along her ribcage before settling at her waist. He pulled her further down to him, deepening the kiss.

They broke away moments later, breathing hard. He gave her a smirk. "Hello to you too. I gather you're not so sore any longer?"

"Not so much. You?" Gill stared down at him through the tunnel of her hair. She licked her lips, shifting her position to straddle his hips.

"Not so much." The words were a low growl as he flipped her over onto the couch, casually lying between her legs as she giggled. Concerns pushed aside, Cal passionately kissed his wife.

They took no notice of the figure standing just to the side of the kitchen window and peering through into the living room.


	13. Chapter 13

Cal awoke to the sound of James' cry. He turned to peek at Gillian but for a change she hadn't stirred. She'd been 'on' constantly since they'd arrived home, so he decided to let her sleep. He brushed her cheek with his lips and climbed out of bed, pausing only long enough to pull on a pair of pajama bottoms.

Padding out of the bedroom, he closed the door behind him and headed down the hall to the nursery.

Appliqués of jungle animals seemed to frolic on the walls as the nightlight spun and flickered. Emily had taken the liberty and chosen some boy decorations the day before Gillian and James had been discharged from the hospital. Even Cal admitted it was cute, albeit, begrudgingly.

"Hey buddy!" He moved toward the crib to scoop the baby out and move him toward the changing table. With the exception of narrowly missing a baby boy geyser, Cal had him cleaned and changed in record time. Although it had been almost twenty years since he'd last changed diapers, he had fallen into the routine with practiced ease. Kind of like riding a bike.

Cal picked James up and held him upright against his shoulder before heading downstairs. He kissed his son on the brow as the baby continued to complain. "Okay lad, one down, one to go, yeah?"

Once in the kitchen, he went about the business of heating a bottle, talking to and rocking the boy the whole time. He spoke to him about Rugby and football (real football not American bollocks), his beautiful mother and sister, his grandmother, some of the adventures Cal had while he lived in the rainforest, London and his own youth. The list went on and on. James' stared at him, fascinated by the sound and timbre of his voice and soothed by the vibration resonating through his chest.

"Okay, soup's on." He headed to his recliner to feed the baby.

James was not shy about his eating habits, sucking the bottle dry without reservation. At that point, he was content to stare up at his dad, giving out his squeaky little yawns and coos, with the occasional tiny smile if Cal changed the pitch of his voice.

It wasn't long before the baby drifted off. At that point, Cal was pretty bleary eyed himself. Pushing back further into the chair, he fell into a light sleep with his son nestled in his arms, safely against his chest.

**(BREAK)**

The gift on his windshield caused a coldness to seep into Cal's veins followed by an intense anger that left him shaking.

**Dr. Lightman, you are such a good daddy! I hope your little boy enjoys his new toy!**

In a fury, he almost grabbed the teething ring and flung it into the neighbor's backyard, but pulled himself short at the last second. Reaching into his pocket, he yanked out a handkerchief and carefully wrapped the toy without touching it.

Taking a deep breath, he decided that it was probably time to talk to Gillian. She'd only been aware of a couple of the gifts, namely the ones that she'd found. She didn't know that there was a lot more where they came from. Cal's tendency was to keep it from her, trying his best to protect her, but at this point, it would be doing them both a was going to be angry enough with him as it was.

Cal returned to the house and let himself back in.

James was lying on a blanket in the living room staring up at his jungle gym toys and kicking his feet while Gillian sat next to him making faces and sing-songing her voice. She looked up quickly when he entered.

"Did you forget –?" Stopping, she scanned and read the openness of his face. It still startled her that he sometimes allowed it so easily now. "What's wrong?"

"I think," he took in a breath, "I think we may have a problem." Cal handed her the note.

Gillian looked at it before her startled eyes returned to Cal's. "She was _watching_ you last night?"

"I can only assume." His lips thinned into a line before discomfort edged into his expression. "There's…there's been more."

"More...?"

He sighed heavily, guilt seemingly numbing his tongue. "There have been other notes and gifts." He headed to his study before returning, notes in hand. Wordlessly he handed them to her.

Ruffling through them, a frown creased her features, deepening as she read. "None of them are signed."

"No."

Her eyes flashed with anger as she stared up at him. "It never occurred to you that it might be a good idea to share this with me?"

"I guess I was hoping she would get bored and move on." Cal dropped himself on the couch. "Yesterday's note prompted me to make a trip to county and talk with our friend Tucker."

"Notes show probable obsessive tendencies. You don't need to be a psychologist to see that. What did Tucker have to say about her?" Gillian managed to keep her anger in check by focusing on the situation at hand.

Cal recapped his discussion while Gill chewed on her lip, deep in thought. "What's our next step?"

"I contacted Wallowski to run a check."

"Before you _told me_."

"Yes, but right after I spoke with Tucker. I was going to tell you last night, but I kind of got distracted." He offered a tiny lopsided smile, hoping to soften her up. She just looked at him, expression unchanging.

The smile dropped off his face. Cal slid off the couch onto the floor to give James a quick kiss before climbing to his feet. "I'll be back. Call me on the cell if anything comes up."

"Cal!"

He paused at the entry, face stony. "Keep everything locked up." The door shut behind him.

Gillian stared after him feeling an equally intense combination of hurt and anger.

**(BREAK) **

"Find out anything?"

"Well, hey to you too."

Cal didn't respond, just waited.

"O-kay, so much for any levity." Wallowski frowned into the phone, a little surprised by his curtness. "Hold on, let me grab my notes." Shuffling papers could be heard before she came back on the line. "Let's see – Jennifer Ann Young, 27 years old, divorced, been working at – "

"She's _27_?"

"Uh, yeah, has that big eyed baby face look, huh? Anyway, been working at Georgetown University Hospital for almost 2 years. Lives with her grandmother. No record."

"What about the ex-husband?"

"Toby Dennis, married 4 ½ years – divorced just last year. 34 years old… and that was at the time of his death."

"Cause?"

"Some kind of accident at his place of employment."

"Huh."

"Is there something more going on?"

Cal paused for a moment, wondering if what he was about to say would make him appear paranoid. But then again, he _did_ have the notes, as well as the one toy that he hadn't thrown in the rubbish. "I have reason to believe that she's watching my house."

This time it was Wallowski who didn't say anything right away and then, "You think she's spying on you?" It poured out slowly, laced with some incredulity.

"Great, now you have me doubting my sanity. Thanks for that. But I do have 16 notes that have been left on my doorstep or on my car. I even held onto the last gift – which was a toy for _James_."

"16? In what span of time?" Her voice held a thread of concern.

"Since Gill and the baby were discharged. About a month."

"Anything threatening?"

He let out a weary sigh. "No, not exactly."

"Not exactly?"

"It's just creepy. Gill called it obsessive."

"Being that as it may, you know that I can't really do anything unless…"

"Unless she actually attempts something a bit less covert."

"Exactly. I'm sorry."

"How about this? Can you save me a google search and give me grandma's address at least?"

**(BREAK)**

The house was in a working class neighborhood about 5 or 6 miles from the hospital. It was a modest little ranch, white with hunter green shutters, set on a shallow lot in need of some serious weeding. An aging Chrysler graced the driveway but when Cal knocked on the door, there was no answer. No answer on the second try either. For a long moment, he seriously debated about picking the lock and letting himself in but decided against it. At least for right now.

Anger and frustration building inside, he headed toward the hospital.


	14. Chapter 14

**I wanted to take a second and thank you all again for your reviews and support! You have no idea how much it means to me as a budding writer!**

* * *

><p>"Oh my God! How <em>ARE<em> you, Dr. Lightman?" Jennifer Young threw her arms around him, pushing her cheek against his shoulder.

He'd been directed to the third floor nurse's station to find her and this was not exactly what he'd been expecting.

Cal stiffened and pushed her away. "What the bloody hell!"

"What's the matter?"

Without a word, he caught her upper arm and propelled her to the small waiting area near the elevators. "You're seriously asking me what the matter is?" the words hissed out through clenched jaws.

"I don't understand. Why are you so mad?" Her dark brown eyes stared up at him, confused.

He stared back, trying desperately to control his anger so he could get an accurate read. "You need to stop with the little notes and gifts."

"What are you talking about?"

_Anyone_ could see that easy lie. Acting a little _too_ innocent, trying _too_ hard.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about. I want you to stay away from me and stay away from my family." His tone remained cold.

Tears filled her eyes, overflowing easily. "How can you act like this? I show a little gratitude and you throw it back in my face? God, you saved my life and then you treat me like dirt? What kind of man are you?"

People passing by were beginning to stare and Cal didn't give a crap.

"I'm the type of man who isn't going to be manipulated." He pushed into her space, eyes intense, causing her to take a step backward. "You stay away."

Whirling around, Cal started to move toward the elevator but she grabbed his hand. Her grip was surprisingly strong. "Look I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I just thought a couple of gifts would be nice. I didn't mean to freak you out."

"_Freak me out_? You were watching me with my son in the middle of the night and you didn't mean to 'freak me out'? His voice had lowered to a deadly whisper.

"I would never, I mean, that's insane. I wouldn't watch you and your wife and baby. That's sick…" Jenny stumbled all over herself as he carefully observed, narrowing his eyes even further. _Watch you and your wife_…

Nausea rippled through his stomach. Realizing that she still had hold of his hand, he shook her off.

"You have to believe me. I would never do anything like that!" Her hands now wandered up to his shoulders, squeezing lightly before moving down and holding onto the lapels of his overcoat. "Please, I care about you! I can't help it! I would never do anything to hurt you!" Her dark eyes met his, pleading, before shifting into something else. Something predatory. "I would never hurt _you._"

Cal stepped back and away, causing her to almost lose her balance. "Stay the fuck away from us."

He turned from her at that point, opting to take the stairs because he didn't want to wait for the elevator.

**(BREAK)**

When Jenny received the paperwork for the restraining order she felt such crippling grief that the air was yanked from her lungs and she crumpled to the threadbare carpet in her living room. Struggling to catch her breath, sobs wracked through her body in that curious way of crying usually reserved for young children. Tears hadn't arrived quite yet.

Curling up on her side, she pulled her knees to her chest as sounds of anguish pulsed from her. When tears finally did arrive, they were hot, wet and blinding as snot ran from her nose.

Two hours slipped by. She continued to lie there. Fell asleep briefly, woke up, cried some more. Couldn't get up. Couldn't understand. _What had she done? How_ _could he turn his back on her like this?_ She just wanted to feel close. Couldn't help herself. Felt compelled from the moment she realized that he took a bullet for her. For _her._ _What was so wrong with that?_

Grandma came out briefly and stared down at her with hawk like eyes, wondering what had happened _now_, but she had waved her away. Only wanted one person near her. Grandma wasn't that one person. Jenny could still feel the solidity of his shoulders under her hands. It was very brief before he pulled away, but she missed it. Wanted to feel him under her hands again, wanted to feel _his_ hands on her.

Grief gradually succumbed to numbness. She felt worn out. Cried out.

There must be something more she could do. She had to make him see.

Jenny could feel the numbness shift and change until she felt numb no longer. The hollow shell inside began to fill with something new.

Untempered fury, but that didn't stand-alone. Something darker curled through her heart. Love to the point of hate.

**(BREAK)**

Cal watched while Torres disassembled a growing web of lies by a budding embezzler. The man had broken into a sweat within the first five minutes. She would break him by ten.

There had been no more gifts or notes for almost a week now, but he couldn't help but believe that they were just in the eye of the storm. But he only had his instincts to back it up.

At that moment, his phone went off. Without taking his eyes off the cube, he answered with a gruff "Lightman."

Listening, he suddenly sat straight up, his eyes widening as he responded to the caller. "What?"

Loker glanced over, curious at the sudden change in his boss' tone.

"I'm on my way!" Cal vaulted out of the chair, pocketing his phone.

"Problem?" the younger man raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, got to go. Mind the store." With that, he left almost at a run.

"Is there anything I can do?" Loker shouted after him but Cal was already gone.

**(BREAK)**

Cal found Gillian in the ER. He paused by the curtain, thankful to see her sitting up at least. She was sporting a black eye, a split lip, and numerous other cuts and bruises. Nonetheless, she gave him a tired smile when he approached her.

"Hey darling. We need to stop doing this. They're gonna start charging us rent." He gave her a gently teasing grin.

Her laugh turned into a wince as he sat on the bed, wrapping an arm carefully around her. She automatically leaned into him, grateful for his presence.

His voice lowered. "They said you were attacked?"

"Um, yeah, I didn't see," Gill took a moment to fight back tears, "I didn't see them. I was in the parking garage and they came up behind me and…well, they took my purse but they continued to hurt me even after they got it." She started to sob as he gently rubbed her back.

"You didn't offer any resistance."

"Of course not, at least not initially."

"Not initially?" Cal's eyes fell to the hands folded in her lap. Noted the bruising on the knuckles of the right one. "You hurt your hand?"

She sniffled but smiled through the tears. "I punched one of them."

He pressed his lips against her temple. "Good for you luv."

"I don't understand why they had to hurt me. I had already _given_ them my purse."

At that moment, Cal's eyes tracked Jennifer Young passing by the open doorway. Their eyes locked. His dark and angry, while hers remained wide and unfazed. She even gave him a ghost of a smile before she broke contact.

A sudden intact of breath let him know that Gillian had noticed the silent exchange. "Please Cal, don't antagonize her."

"I'd happily break her little neck instead." His voice was low enough for her to be the only one to hear.

His phone went off again.

"Bloody Hell." Cal looked at the ID, frowning. "Candace, what's wrong?"

Gillian paled instantly.

"I'm so sorry to call you but I couldn't get a hold of Mrs. Light-, I mean, the other Dr. Lightman."

"Is something wrong with - ?" His heart jumped into his throat and for a moment, he forgot to breath.

"No, no, sir, the baby's fine. Something weird was left on your doorstep and I thought you'd want to know right away." The girl was speaking fast, voice shaking.

"Okay, I want you to relax. Make sure all the doors are locked and I'll there shortly."

"Of course Dr. Lightman. Thank you." Cal disconnected, but immediately went to call out again.

Gillian had grabbed hold of his arm, squeezing almost painfully. "Is James alright?" Her eyes couldn't get any bigger. She was on the verge of panic.

"He's fine. Hold on luv."

Loker picked up at the other end.

"It's me, I need you down at Georgetown Hospital _now_."

"Um, I was just – "

"_NOW_, Loker. Gill's been attacked and I have to leave. She can't be left alone here."

"Okay, I'm on my way."

Cal hung up.

**(BREAK)**

Since she had put the chain across, the sitter had to open up for him. It reminded him that he needed to get the locks changed tonight as well.

Cal immediately took his baby from her, holding him gently, kissing and greeting him. "Hey there mate."

"I probably shouldn't have touched them but I didn't think..." Candace was still frazzled, her voice continuing to shake.

"Where is it?" Cal's voice was harsher than he intended.

"Oh sorry! I left them on the coffee table."

_Them?_

He looked past her, narrowing his eyes. _What the hell?_

Moving closer he could see why the babysitter was unnerved. A familiar chill entered his bloodstream as he stared.

Two roses entwined. One was dead.


	15. Chapter 15

As much as it killed him, Cal decided for the moment that it would be best if Gillian, Emily and James took a little trip out of town. Gillian was upset and angry but she also couldn't fault his logic. Things had gone too far.

Despite the fact that Emily was doing the dorm thing and wasn't currently living at home, he still felt she could be vulnerable. He was not going to take any chances.

They all lumped together just outside security lines. That was as close as Cal could get to the gate.

He grabbed Emily in a huge bear hug and kissed her cheek. "Be good. Love you!"

"Love you too dad. Be careful." Her eyes were too bright, but she was being brave. Very much her father's daughter. He gently chucked her chin.

Nodding, he took his little boy, hugging him and giving him a kiss on the forehead. James gave a little squawk, starting to find fun in playing with this voice. He waved one fist and Cal quickly caught it before it connected with his nose. "You be good to your mum and sis, yeah?"

Emily took James as Cal stood before Gillian for many long moments, looking deeply into her eyes. Moving near, he pressed his lips against hers, the kiss becoming a tiny bit more passionate then appropriate in a public setting as she wrapped her arms around his neck. They couldn't seem to get close enough, despite the feel of one another's heartbeats. Pulling apart ever so slightly, he rested his forehead against hers and quietly mouthed, "I love you" while her tears overflowed.

Gillian touched his face tenderly. "Please be careful. I love you."

He nodded, pulling her close again and breathing in the scent of her shampoo, perfume and just _her_. Planting a kiss on her cheek, he gave her another meaningful look before glancing at Em and James with a wink. He moved away.

As they entered into the security line, Gill turned and watched as Cal disappeared from view. Part of her heart left with him.

**(BREAK)**

"Jenny! Check this out!" Brenda, the head nurse gave her a wide smile and jerked a thumb over her shoulder.

A small but beautiful vase full of flowers that graced the back counter met Jenny's questioning gaze. "What, someone sent your flowers? They're beautiful!" A sad little smile accompanied the compliment.

"No, you dork. Look at the card."

With a frown, she filed the patient chart she'd been holding and crossed over to the bouquet, plucking the card from its holder.

_**Jenny, sorry about everything. Maybe we should consider a fresh start. Enjoy the flowers.**_

_**Cal**_

He'd also left his cell number.

A little flutter found its way into her heart but a frown pulled down her features regardless. Jenny felt ambivalent. She wanted to believe him but knew that he was most likely conning her.

Inhaling the fragrance of the flowers, the frown melted into a little smile. She decided to adopt a wait and see approach.

**(BREAK)**

Gillian and the kids had only been gone a little over a day and half, but he missed them desperately. She rang him when they'd arrived and had sent numerous texts back and forth but it still didn't help. He needed them _with_ _him _but more importantly, he needed them safe. He let out a sigh. _Thus, the distance._

He had spent a lot of time rearranging the house. Had to make it look real.

Now Cal paced the living room for the twentieth something time. He just couldn't sit still. It was like there were little bugs living under his skin and the only way he could appease them was to stay on the move.

Although it would have been the smart thing to do, he had elected not to change the locks. This probably made him vulnerable but the .38 in his nightstand drawer provided a tiny bit of security. That and the police cruiser that would be making periodic sweeps. In light of the new situation, the cops were becoming a bit more attentive. Wallowski was willing and ready to come up to bat when it was time. Of course Cal had a lot of groundwork to place first. He only hoped he could pull it off emotionally. The thought of what he was going to do made him feel physically sick. But everything had to be convincing. There was no other way.

The flowers had been sent and now it was time to hang back and try to allay suspicion. _If that was even possible_. He had no clue at this point. Nonetheless, the next move had to be hers.

**(BREAK)**

She called him three days later.

"Dr. Lightman?" Her voice was tentative. It was hard to imagine that the owner of the voice was so twisted. Thought that it was odd that she still referred to him formally. He felt a wave of disgust, but pushed it back in an effort to provide a different front.

"Jenny."

He sounded sad. She couldn't help but wonder why. "Are you okay?"

"Been better luv."

_Love. _ She swallowed despite herself. "Anything I can do?"

"Don't think so."

Silence. Then, "What did you mean by fresh start?"

He was a very good liar, being that; it also made him a very good actor. Hopefully, good enough. "I suppose I'm tired…tired of denying…things…"

"What about your wife?" Hope laced through the question.

Cal took a deep breath. Closed his eyes. Think Oscar material. Think De Niro. "Gone." His stomach started to feel sour.

"What do you mean 'gone'?"

"Gone. As in, I kicked her ass out gone." He could feel bile in the back of his throat. He swallowed but it wouldn't go away.

Jenny's mouth dropped open. _Could this be real_? _No, he has to be bullshitting_ _me._ "Why? What happened?"

"Found out," the words would barely come. He had to force them. "Found out…that…the boy…isn't mine." Cal could feel himself start to heave. "Gotta go darlin'." With that, he hung up and bolted for the bathroom where he lost all his supper and two lagers.

She stared at the phone, daring herself to believe him. Maybe it wasn't a con. The anguish had been very real. _No one was that good an actor_. _Were they_?

Cal slumped by the toilet, mouth sour, disgusted with himself. _You knew what you had to do._ Didn't make it any easier though. On the plus side, he was sure that Jennifer bought it. His agony was real, but she would naturally presume a different reason for it. Resting his head against the cool tile of the bathtub, he closed his eyes and tried to calm himself. What killed him was that he hadn't shared his plan with Gillian. At least not completely. He hadn't wanted to hurt her, so he took it all on himself. The betrayal, even fake, ripped him apart. He could only hope that she'd forgive him when the dust settled.

Lurching to his feet, he gave his mouth a rinse before pulling his phone out again. Cal desperately needed to hear Gill's voice. He also, unfortunately, needed to be meticulous about remembering to delete any calls he made to her.

**(BREAK)**

The next night, Cal had just settled into a fitful doze when he was jerked into wakefulness by the clicking of a lock. He had always been a light sleeper, which he was more thankful for at this moment than any other time that he could remember. Someone had just let themselves into his home. He had no doubt who that someone was.

Leaning over, he pulled the handgun out of his drawer and quickly lay back down. He curled on his side, facing the bedroom door, gun under the covers.

A few minutes later, a shadow appeared at the entry and just stood there, unmoving. Watching.

Heart pounding, Cal waited, continuing to feign sleep but wondering where she was going to take this. _This was creepy beyond belief_.

Sleep had become very elusive for him of late and when he was, in fact, able to slip into unconsciousness, his dreams were filled with horrific images that woke him often choking on a scream. And now, from within the fog of his sleep-deprived brain, very dark thoughts and ideas began to emerge. They drifted out unbiden from the more primal, angry depths of his mind.

He could end this right now. This was his home and he had a legal right to defend it. Just one moment would be all that it would take. He was a very good liar but he was also a very good shot.


	16. Chapter 16

He was in shadows. Jenny wanted to move a little closer to see his face vulnerable in sleep, but didn't dare. Hanging back, she gazed at him a bit longer. He was very still. Almost too still. Heavy sleeper? She tended to doubt it. Maybe too much alcohol? That was probable. The earlier anguish had been real; she had no doubt about that now. Empty bottles downstairs had cemented it.

Moving away from the doorway of the master bedroom, she stopped at the next room, presumably the nursery. Very carefully, she pushed the door open. The crib was still in place but otherwise the room had been trashed. The rocker had been shoved onto its side, bedding thrown across the room, lamp on the floor, bulb shattered and many broken toys littered the floor. Only someone in the grip of emotionally wracked fury could have done this to a child's room. Someone obviously looking to get back at the baby's mother. Her heart went out to him. How awful.

Figuring she was pushing her luck, Jenny headed for the top of the staircase, stopping briefly to peek in on him one last time. He had shifted onto his back, an arm thrown across his eyes. Still quiet. She stealthily descended the stairs, careful to stay as close to the balustrade as possible in an attempt to avoid any possible squeaks.

She threw a last glance around the living room, and noted, with satisfaction, the absence of photos of the wife.

Believing the situation to be truthful and very promising, she let herself out, locking the door behind her.

**(BREAK)**

Cal hadn't realized that he'd been holding his breath. He let it out in an uneven rush, feeling his body tremble. He'd been close to blowing her head off. _So close_. It would have been a fast and very final solution. He couldn't bring himself to do it though. He wasn't a killer. As much as it sickened him, he had to continue with the plan.

**(BREAK)**

Cal dropped by the hospital to see her.

Jenny's eyes widened in shock and pleasure when she noticed him. He gave a discreet wave and a rueful smile.

"What are you doing here?" She was so excited she was practically bouncing.

Oddly enough, the feelings that she elicited in him at the moment were more closely linked to sadness then anger. Of course that had a tendency to shift rather quickly.

"Just wanted to apologize." Cal handed her a small box. "It's not much, but I feel kind of bad that I had to drop the phone and go puke the other day."

"No…don't worry. It's completely understandable. I mean, God, what a bitch!"

The sadness suddenly tipped into fury. Fortunately, he was able to keep his mask in place. He managed a pained smile. "Yeah."

She opened the little box, finding a simple butterfly pendant. It wasn't the cheapest, nor the most expensive. He was trying for balance.

"This is beautiful. Thank you very much!" She threw her arms around him and gave him a wet kiss on the cheek. Cal had to refrain from shrinking away from her. Thinking De Nero again. Thinking Oscars here.

"You didn't have to do this." She looked up at him, but still held on.

Cal gave a little shrug. "Wanted to."

One hand had gone under his overcoat, skirting across his chest before tracing down his ribcage to his hip.

He blinked, and pulled away slightly, noting the disappointment on her face. Reaching up, he touched her face, lightly brushing it with his thumb. The disappointment melted away. "You do realize I'm old enough to be your dad, yeah?"

She gave a dismissive shrug. "Doesn't matter. My dad was 21 years older than my mom."

Cal didn't say anything, just looked at her, feeling nauseous again.

"Look, I really need to run. Maybe we could get together tonight?" Jenny's eyes brightened with hope.

"Sure, luv."  
>Dancing away, she shot a look over her shoulder. "I'll call you!"<p>

**(BREAK)**

He rang Gillian when he got home. Had to hear her voice.

"Hey darlin'."

"Hi Cal. How are you doing?" Her tone was affectionate but questioning. She knew that she couldn't really contact him and understood the reasons. It didn't make it hurt any less though.

"I miss you."

"I miss you too." He could hear the smile in her voice but he could also hear the slight hitch.

"How're the kids?"

"Doing fine. My parents are spoiling them. Em's enjoying the L.A. scene. So far has hit Zuma Beach, Melrose and the Chinese Theatre."

"Tell her not to enjoy it _too_ much."

Quiet laugh. "A nineteen year old in L.A.? Don't think that's possible."

"Guess not." Then: "It must be a bit tedious for you."

"Not really. Always fun to see it through someone else's eyes. Just wish you were here with us.

"Me too."

They were quiet for several moments.

"Cal?"

"Yeah, luv?"

"Any idea…?"

"Hopefully soon. Don't know how long I can do this."

**(BREAK)**

Jennifer Young showed up early for their 7 o'clock dinner date.

He wasn't surprised.

Moving aside, Cal allowed her into his home. She looked around as if she'd never been there before. Of course she hadn't, at least not with the lights on, he thought dryly.

"I didn't know what you were making, so I took a chance and brought red." She offered him the bottle of wine that she'd been cradling.

"That's perfect luv."

He took her coat, hanging it on the wall rack by the door before taking the wine.

"Smells really good in here!" She moved past him, swaying her hips a little too much, wearing a little too much perfume. Her skirt clung to her, revealing a slender figure while her heels bumped her up another couple of inches.

"Lasagna's in the oven." He headed to the kitchen and took two glasses down from the cupboard. Popping the cork, he let the wine breath for a few minutes.

He sensed her come up behind him and had to consciously keep himself from tensing. Her arms wrapped around his midsection as she rested her head against the back of his shoulder. "Hmmm…this is nice. Thank you for inviting me."

"Anytime darlin'."

He poured the wine, pulling out of her arms as he turned and handed her a glass.

"Thank you." Dark eyes flashed up at him and she licked her lips.

Cal pretended not to notice. He sat on one of the counter stools and motioned for her to do the same, figuring it was safer than the couch.

As it was, she pulled her stool painfully close, her knees pushing into his thigh.

_Pushy little beast_.

"So, is your daughter due home?" Jenny took a sip of wine, looking up at him without moving her head.

_Nice to know he'd made the right call_. _Definitely safer with Gill and James in Los Angeles._

"She's in Chicago with her mum."

"With her mom? So, you've been married twice?"

Cal swung toward her with a big smile. "Actually I've been married 37 times and most of them are shrink wrapped and buried under the house."

Her face sagged ever so slightly before she recovered with a laugh. "You have a rather dry sense of humor."  
>"You have no idea." He cleared his throat. "So do you apparently."<p>

Blinking at him, she seemed confused. "What do you mean?"

"The roses." An eyebrow shot upward as he allowed a smile to play upon his lips.

Jenny stared at him, trying to gauge where he might be heading. He didn't _appear_ angry. Seemed more amused. "OH! THAT!"

Cal felt a tightening inside.

"I was just really pissed off. It seemed something over the top and dramatic to do."

"Well, I can definitely say you got my attention. Very creative." The smile returned. He fought to make it appear natural, while entertaining an image of reaching out and grabbing her by the throat.

Clueless of his inner struggle, she seemed quite proud. "I think I read it somewhere. Creepy, huh?"

"Just a bit."

"I guess I just had some kind of intuition of the kind of woman your wife was. 'Course that was before _you_ found out."

The image turned from grabbing to squeezing and watching while her face turned purple. The urge was very strong. He found himself clenching his jaw and quickly relaxed it. _Don't blow it._

"Sometimes hard to see things when you're too close." His voice lowered and he moved his eyes away.

A soft hand made its way to his arm and applied gentle pressure. "I'm sorry. That was thoughtless. I forget that everything's so fresh for you."

Cal couldn't look at her. He had to make sure that he wore the right expression before he dared.

He felt her get up and move behind him. Her hands went to his shoulders, rubbing and kneading. "You're so tense. Can't imagine why." Her voice almost dripped with sympathy. _Talking about over the top_. Cal wondered how much of this was real or if she was actually attempting to play him. _Of course, if she were suspicious, would she have admitted the whole rose incident? _ Then again, she didn't _exactly_ admit it. Not word for word at least.

Her cool fingers found the back of his neck, rubbing slow circles. Jenny leaned into him, pressing her breasts against his back and lightly kissing him by the ear.

His eyes widened at the same time the oven timer went off.

Wanting to leap up and away, he controlled his movements and managed a more leisurely pace. "Hold on luv. Let me grab that. Don't watch char grilled lasagna."

She nodded, and watched as he finished dinner preparations, impressed with the presentation of the salad and the main course. He refilled her wine as well.

"Wow. Everything looks wonderful!" She clasped her hands together in delight.

"Hope it lives up to expectations."

Throughout dinner, he made sure that he kept her glass filled. By the time they finished and she led him into the living room, she was barely walking straight.

Holding onto his hand, Jenny fell onto the couch, almost taking him with her. Trying again, she grabbed onto him with both hands and managed to successfully pull him down, giggling uncontrollably.

"Well, you're quite the happy drunk." He feigned amusement as she smiled broadly at him.

"You're not drunk at all! What the hell?" She tipped her whole body toward him, still giggling.

"Wine doesn't really affect me."

"Hmph! Well, that's not fair!"

"Sorry 'bout that."

Her hands started wandering again and as he went to still them, she suddenly pushed her lips against his ferociously, tongue ramming against his teeth demanding entrance.

Breaking away quickly, he kept his disgust at bay. "Whoa. I think you've had a bit too much."

"Don't care." She tried again.

"Uh uh." Cal held her wrists securely and stared into her eyes. "We're not going to do this." His voice was firm as she pouted. "You're so bloody cute but this is not going to happen right now."

She sighed and slumped back into the couch before sticking her tongue out at him.

He tried a different tact. "Look, to be honest, I'm not ready to take another leap at this point. Besides, you seem to have an unfair advantage. You seem to know a lot more about me than I do about you."

Jenny's head lolled against his shoulder as she stared up at him with large eyes. "Whattcha want to know?"

"Anything, I guess. Where'd you grow up? Where do your folks live? Where did you go to college? Uh, ever been married? Dunno, is there anything I should know?" He let the questions sound off the cuff.

"Hmmm…I bet I could guess where _you_ grew up." She sat upright and purred in his ear before giving it a quick nip.

"Oi. Told you none of that!" He glowered at her, making it appear mocking.

"Fine." She crossed her arms across her chest, pouting once again. "I grew up in Baltimore. My parents are dead – I live with my grandmother for the moment. Um, went to Baltimore City Community College to study nursing but only could get a job as an assistant right now. Oh yeah, I was married once but the bastard dumped me but now he's dead so it doesn't matter."

Cal stared at her. "Wow. I feel like I was just debriefed."

"You wanted to know." Jenny leaned toward him, catching and holding his eyes. "He dumped _me_. That's not the way it's supposed to be, you know? The woman is supposed to be the _dumper_ not the _dumpee_."

"Doesn't always work out that way."

"Guess not. Look at _you_, you're a guy and a _dumper_, right?"

"I suppose I am. But I've also been a dumpee."

"Wanna know a secret?" Her words slurred as she leaned toward him, conspiracy written all over her face.

"Sure."

"I got back at her for you. Before you even had a clue what a bitch she was." Nodding, she gave him a wink.


	17. Chapter 17

"Got back at her?" Cal spoke carefully. Trying to appear relaxed while hiding the intense hatred below was starting to take its toll. He wasn't sure how long he could control himself.

Jenny snuggled into him, actually picking up his arm and putting it around her. Her left hand skirted across his chest, rubbing lightly before playing with the buttons of his shirt. "Yeah…I guess she had it coming after all."

"What are you on about?"

In one fluid movement she was on his lap. She leaned forward, inches from his face. Her small fingers started to unbutton his shirt.

He did nothing to stop her this time. Just watched and listened while his breath rasped a little harder and his body tensed.

Naturally, she took his unspoken language to be sexual excitement and nothing close to homicidal rage. She ground herself into him before leaning over and kissing his chest and running her lips up from his throat to his ear.

His fists bunched against the edge of the couch, body trembling.

Jenny was holding back that vital bit of information. He _had_ to know for certain.

Taking a breath, he did the unthinkable. It was either that or he would, in fact, put his hands around her throat and kill her.

Flipping the woman beneath him, he placed a knee between her legs and covered her mouth with his, pouring all the intensity of his anger and hatred into the ultimate con. She immediately wrapped herself around and pushed up against him, rubbing herself against his thigh. She kissed him with equal passion but from different sources. One hand held the back of his head while the other reached down and ran her nails over the small of his back before pulling his shirt out of his pants and exploring the skin around his ribcage. Cal roughly cupped one breast while biting and sucking his way down her neck causing a sound somewhere between a moan and a gasp to escape her lips. A moment later, he braced himself up on his arms and looked down at her, eyes dark, teeth bared. "What did you do Jenny?"

Looking up at him, she once again read his expression as excitement and arousal only. She could not see the loathing or rage seething within him. He kept it well hidden.

Smiling, she reached for his belt, while continuing to trail kisses down his chest. "I…hired…some guys to beat her ass…"

"_What_?"

She moved upward and licked his neck to his ear. "I paid some guys to mug her and hurt her." Sucking and nibbling, she continued. "At the time I was doing myself a favor – didn't know I was doing one for you as well!"

He was up and off her in an instant.

Bewilderment permeated her features, her eyes only questioned. "Wha…what's the matter?"

Cal's nails were pushing half moons into his palms as he clenched his fists. His body shook with fury.

"_Get out_." The words came out lethally quiet.

"Wait. Why are you acting like…I don't understand." Immediately sober, Jenny was on her feet and now stood in front of him. Reaching out to touch him, he quickly stepped away.

"_You heard me_." Still in control. Barely.

"But she CHEATED on you! Why are you so angry? I thought you would have been pleased."

He itched to physically pick her up and throw her out but didn't dare. He didn't dare touch her in fear of what he might do.

"Look, I'm sorry. I'm sure you still have feelings for her but what kind of woman does that…?"

"_GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE_!" A gravelly roar erupted from the base of his throat, searing the sides and shaking as it escaped.

Jenny jumped back, eyes flashing in confusion and terror as she scrambled for her purse and coat.

She tried one more time. "Please Cal. I'm sorry. You should just know that I love you. I would never intentionally hurt you."

"_Out_."

Backing away, she tried to catch his eye. He wouldn't even look her way, just stared at the floor breathing hard. "_Never come back_."

"You don't mean…"  
>"<em>I do. Keep in mind that there isn't an 'us.' There never will be an 'us.' Get that through your<em> _stupid little head_." Then he looked at her, unleashing all the dark pent up feelings that had been taking refuge inside him.

Her mouth hung open, a growing realization taking hold. "_You bastard!"_

Cal continued to stare at her. He took a step forward and that was all the incentive she needed to send her scuttling for the door.

**(BREAK)**

Cal remained in the middle of his living room, staring at the floor. He had heard the grinding of gears and the peeling of rubber as Jennifer Young pushed her ancient Honda away from here as fast as it possibly could take her. Now he was just tired. All the emotional energy had left him drained. Unfortunately the game wasn't quite over.

There was a quiet knock and he immediately went to open the door.

Wallowski stepped past him into the entry. "Holy crap Lightman!"

"Tell me you got all that at least."

"Sure we have it."

The bug had been planted about an hour before his 'date.'

Cal swung the door shut behind her, crossed the room and dropped on the couch. He tilted his head back and shut his eyes.

She sat in the armchair, hovering at the edge. "I hope you know what you're doing."

"So do I."

"I've called in quite a few favors here. You're certain she'll be back?"

"I'd bet my life on it."

"That may be exactly what you're doing."

Cal looked at her through half closed eyes. "I trust you'll have my back."

Wallowski looked at him warmly. "You better believe it. Gillian would kill me otherwise."

"At least you know I'm not crazy now."

"Hate to say this but you are a little crazy, just not about this. She seems unhinged but naturally we can't really do much with the tapes alone. Most we could do is slap her with a fine for violating the restraining order."

"Not good enough."

"I know. I do have a tail on her as we speak. Just a waiting game right now."

"Hopefully she won't come back with an Uzi or anything."

"Yeah, that would be bad. Messy too."  
>"I have the utmost confidence in your ability to help preserve my hide."<p>

**(BREAK)**

"Hi again."

"Hi Cal. How are you?"

"Same luv. Missing you and the kids."

"We all miss you too."

He heard Emily's voice in the background. "Is that Dad?"

Gillian acknowledged the girl's question as Cal waited. She came back on a second later.

"You sound a bit off. Is there anything I need to know?"

Cal weighed things briefly between not wanting her to worry and not wanting to completely mislead her. He settled for somewhere in between. "I think everything may be coming to a head very soon."

She was quiet for just a moment. "What does that mean, exactly?"

"It means that…there may be an arrest soon. Hopefully. We're at the point where the police are…invested."

"Invested?"

"Well, yeah."

"I probably don't want to know details do I?" Her voice sounded a little cross but also anxious and afraid.

"It's going to be okay darlin'. I promise"

"It better be Cal." Gillian whispered the words, feeling an ache inside. She wished he were there with her so much that it was almost painful. Unfortunately, running from this lunatic was not an option. She knew that.

"I'd better go now. You know that I love you very much, yeah?"

"Yeah. I know. I love you too."

"Big hug and kiss for the kids. Regards to your folks."

"I'll tell them. And Cal?"

"Yeah luv?"

"Please be careful."


	18. Chapter 18

She paced back and forth. There wasn't enough room in her head and heart for all the emotions running rampant. Back and forth. Snip. One piece fell. Back and forth. Back and forth.

"This can't be happening." Snip.

"No way this could be happening." Back and forth. Snip. Another piece fell.

Jenny stopped, shaking her head. "No. No." Continued to pace. Another snip, another lock.

Stopping again, she brought her hands to her face, raking her nails down her cheeks. The shears were dangerously close to her right eye when she did it. Didn't notice. A little tiny bit of stinging. That was good. Always good to feel something that wasn't emotional. Physical was okay. She could handle that.

The hatred on his face had not been real. No. Couldn't have been. There was nothing she could have done to elicit that. No. He just felt hurt. That's all. Maybe he was mad because she initially hid it from him. That was it. It's not like the wife was seriously hurt or anything. Cuts and bruises. Big deal.

Snip. Another piece fell.

Hair began to grace the floor like autumn leaves.

Only one thing to do.

She wouldn't let him leave. He had to know what he meant to her. _Gillian_ could never love him like she did. It wasn't even a possibility. Not remotely. _I would never cheat – he would never have to worry about that again._

The shears sliced through her hair again.

She suddenly stopped and looked down. Dark hair clung to the carpet around her like some malformed halo. _Unless they were some kind of freak, guys generally didn't go for bald women. Oops._

Approaching the mirror, she tilted her head back and forth before attempting to repair the damage.

Five minutes later, Jenny stood back and gazed at herself. _Could be worse._

She thought about his hands and mouth on her and gave a little smile.

No time to dawdle. She had some supplies to gather.

**(BREAK)**

When they pulled the tail, Cal began to carry his gun. He had a license but to this point never really saw a reason. Even now he felt somewhat ridiculous but he had promised Gillian that things would be okay. He wasn't going to let her or the kids down.

Wallowski had been apologetic but it was a manpower issue. Always was.

"Are you sure she's not going to leave well enough alone. I mean, you were, um, pretty nasty to her the other night."

"I had good reason."

"Not saying that you didn't."  
>He was in his office for the discussion, legs on desk, ankles crossed casually. Someone who didn't know him would see a relaxed man, those who did would see the coiled tension running through his body making his muscles rigid. But his face remained carefully blank as was the norm. His staff was avoiding him a lot these days.<p>

"She'll be back." Cal was adamant.

Sharon allowed a sigh. The situation was a difficult one. "Well, I can still have a cruiser sweep by your place. Of course you have my number."

" 'Course." His tone was mildly sarcastic but he didn't blame her. She could only do what she could do. Favors run out.

"You did at least change your locks finally?"

"Yup. Now she'll just have to break a window like any other self respecting psycho."

Wallowski grunted. "You watch yourself though."

Cal nodded against the phone. "Without a doubt."

**(BREAK)**

His house was awash in darkness when he pulled up, despite his certainty that he had left the entry light on.

Continuing to sit in the car, he weighed the situation and watched the house.

No guarantee she was in there. Maybe he _did_ forget to leave the light on. Or maybe it burned out. Definitely a possibility.

Still.

How long was he going to live like this? He wanted his family home already but they needed to be safe. How long before showtime? Cal didn't have the impression that Jennifer Young was a particularly patient person. Then again, aren't sociopaths obsessed with covering their own ass? He couldn't be sure. Wasn't a head doctor. That was Gillian's forte.

He continued to watch, wondering if he was being watched back. Almost sure of it. Wondered briefly if he was becoming paranoid. Almost sure of that _too_.

The gun was heavy in his coat pocket. Safety was currently on, but not for long.

Cal wasn't a particularly patient person either. It wasn't one of his strong points as his wife and mouthy daughter enjoyed pointing out. This situation needed to be over and done with.

Opening the car door, he climbed out and cautiously approached his home.

**(BREAK)**

He had moved in at a crouch before flattening himself against the wall at an angle to the door. The .38 was in his hand but pointed at the ground.

Reaching forward, the doorknob twisted in his grip. Unlocked.

Cal sunk back against the wall briefly before toeing the door open with one foot. It swung open with a slight creak. He made a quick mental note to get some WD40. _Odd what pops into your head at times of stress. _

Creeping forward, he kept his body sideways to reduce his target size. The gun was now raised toward the ceiling. He didn't want to use it if possible. Of course he had no clue to what _her_ plans might be. She could have a chainsaw for all he knew.

Reaching out with his left hand flat against the wall, he attempted the light switch, knowing that they'd both be at a disadvantage if it worked. It didn't. Must have messed with the circuit breaker.

He waited for a few moments and just listened while his eyes adjusted to the darkness. Shapes gradually turned into familiar shadows. He didn't see her. Lots of places to hide though.

Cal began to move forward slowly, keeping his back to the wall. He was just at the kitchen entry when he felt the bee sting at the side of his neck. Reacting quickly, he knocked it away. The half spent syringe flew into a corner of the room.

A primal scream of rage split through the silence and followed her into the darkness as she stumbled away.

He stood, one hand on his neck, the other still holding the gun and stared in the general direction of the girl's hasty departure. She seemed to be heading toward the stairs, unless of course she ducked into his study. He couldn't be sure.

Giving his neck another quick rub, he reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. Tapped direct dial as he finally raised the barrel of the gun.

"Wallowski."  
>"She's here." He whispered but said nothing further. Not disconnecting, he slipped it back into his pocket.<p>

Cal slowly started to move forward again. At least he had the home field advantage. Keeping the gun directly in front of him, he gave his study a quick look. It was deserted.

As he approached the stairs he slowly became aware of a general murkiness in his head. Giving it a quick shake, he attempted to fling out the cobwebs, but was only moderately successful.

"Cal?" A sickly sweet voice drifted down to him. "How are you feeling honey?" She gave a little giggle.

He was feeling that a police arrival at any second would be helpful.

The voice sounded up to the left. Perhaps in the master bedroom.

Cal began to climb the stairs but stumbled half way up, catching himself on the balustrade. His head was swimming but he managed to hold onto his gun.

Another giggle from above. "Not so good huh?"

_You have to hang on. The cops will be here any minute._

He sunk down on the closest step, keeping the gun loosely trained at the top of the staircase. "What was in that syringe darlin'?" Cal's voice sounded vaguely hollow. He shook his head again.

Jenny didn't respond. Just more laughter.

_God, that's creepy. _Cal squinted up at the landing before blinking heavily.

Then she was there. She knocked the gun out of his hand. He turned his head to watch fascinated as the pistol bounced down and landed on the bottom step. That wasn't good.

The woman straddled his body as he lay on the staircase. Her lips were pulled back showing all of her teeth. She brought a hand to his face in a violent slap that rocked his head back, knocking it painfully against the wooden step.

"That's for being mean to me!" It was somewhere between a hiss and a whine.

"Ow." Trying to blink the mud out of his head, he frowned up at her.

Her hair had been hacked away. It stood out in uneven tufts all over her head. Punk cut gone horribly wrong. Several long scratches marred her skin from beneath her eyes almost to her jawbone.

"You look different." That was the only thing he could think to say.

She tilted her head, suddenly smiling. Leaning forward she crossed her arms casually on his chest. "Huh. I think I'm glad you didn't get the full dosage. You're more fun this way."

"Dosage of what exactly?"

"Doesn't matter. You would have fallen like a house of cards but I like the dopey you better."

His body felt so heavy but gathering what little strength he had, he bucked her off and gave her a shove before attempting to slide down the stairs toward the gun. His movements seemed slow and ineffectual.

Jenny was already ahead of him. She kicked the gun under the coffee table and stood over him, looking disappointed. "That was naughty." Her face twisted slightly in thought. "Well, there's no way I can get you upstairs so I guess we'll have to get on with it down here. I was hoping we could be more comfortable."  
>"For what?" His voice seemed to echo.<p>

Squatting down next to him, she tweaked his nose. "_That_ would ruin the surprise!"

"Dohnnn like surprises…"

The face and voice turned to ice. "Well _darling_, you're not going to like this one either."

Voices and figures suddenly appeared out of nowhere. He could distantly hear Wallowski suggesting that Jenny get the hell away from him and keep her hands where they could be seen. Of course that was all the way at the other end of the tunnel.

Cal blinked up at her. "Surprise."

**(BREAK)**

Cal sat on his couch, head in hands, fingers threaded through his hair.

The buzz of activity around him seemed to be ebbing away, thankfully. All he wanted was for everyone to go so he could sleep.

They had already taken Jenny away. She had been screaming nonsense although she made it a point to let him know that she loved him and wanted to spend eternity with him. A shudder ran through him at the thought.

"Lightman?"

He heard Wallowski's voice and managed to part one eye open. She was more or less in focus but her voice sounded odd.

Her expression was grim.

"What?"

"You sure you don't want to go in and get checked out?"

"S'okay. Just want to sleep."

"Not surprising. " She watched him steadily. "You were really lucky you know."

"Yeah, I appreciate your timing."

Wallowski didn't say anything. She appeared troubled.

Cal opened the other eye, found himself squinting. "Something to say detective?"

Glancing away for a moment, she allowed a sigh. Her gaze returned to him. "We found a couple of disturbing items in her bag. Have to wait for lab analysis, but it looks like, um…well it _appears_ to be a murder/suicide party pack." Her mouth thinned into a straight line as she looked at him.

Lifting his head out of his hands unsteadily, he met her eyes and waited.

"Tranqs and what looks to be poison, possibly cyanide."  
>A coldness ran through his body and settled in his bowels. He felt his jaw sag as he stared at her. "What…?"<p>

She reached over and squeezed his shoulder.


	19. Chapter 19

_**I apologize for the intensity of the last chapter. I hope it didn't disturb anyone too much. Honestly, I was a little creeped out myself as I wrote it but I tend to go where the muse points (for better or for worse). **_

* * *

><p>Gillian felt the familiar flutter in her chest as her heart accelerated. Cal was standing by the escalator waiting for them.<p>

His hands were shoved deeply into his pockets and his head tilted to the side, watching as they approached. A tiny smirk pulled at the corner of his mouth.

Emily reached him first, practically running and jumping into his arms. He swung her around in a huge bear hug, kissing her on the cheek and smiling down at her.

"Hey darlin'. Nice tan. L.A. agree with you?"

"It was a blast dad! Lots of great schools too."  
>Raising an eyebrow, he just looked at her. "You'd do that to your old man?"<p>

"I'd consider it." Emily teased, smiling brightly.

Cal met her eyes as Gillian approached. He smiled but something seemed off. There was an odd light that she couldn't quite recognize. "Hi Cal."

"Hi luv." Giving her a quick peck, he moved to take James from her arms. "Bloody hell son, you're huge! Looks like you've gone and doubled your size!" The baby gave a squawk and grabbed Cal's ear. "Okay, I'm gonna need that back." He gently pulled the little hand off his ear lobe. Gave him a kiss on the forehead.

They headed to baggage claim to gather their luggage.

Gillian watched Cal carefully. He was obviously happy to see them and excited that they were finally home. Yet he seemed a little withdrawn at the same time. When he had called to tell her that it was safe to head back, she knew that there was something else he wanted to share. But of course he didn't. Now she could see a current of discord running just below the surface. He was reticent. Unnaturally quiet.

Emily noticed as well, shooting him little covert glances accompanied by a frown. She caught Gillian's eye more than once and received a small shrug in response.

Oddly enough, he didn't seem to notice.

**(BREAK)**

Much to Cal's delight, Emily had opted to return home for the time being. He wasn't sure how long she planned on staying but he was grateful that she'd be under his roof for at least a tiny bit before returning to her college dorm. He found it comforting.

Emily had retired for the evening and James had been fed and changed and was now drowsily watching his mobile spin. His parents watched him for a few moments before quietly retreating from the room.

Cal had made sure that everything was back to normal. The baby's room was as it should be with a couple of new additions, photos were back on the walls and mantle and Gill's clothing had been returned to its proper places. Naturally he fixed things for their sake, but he did it for himself as well. He didn't really want Gill to know how far he had sunk to dislodge his unwanted suitor. It made him feel contemptible, unclean.

With the baby's door closed, Cal immediately pulled Gill to him, seeking the comfort that only she could provide. His lips found hers and as she sank against him, his kisses turned desperate. He began to back toward their bedroom but continued to hold her tightly, not wanting to break contact. Needing that unbroken contact.

Warmth coursed through her bringing a flush to her skin as she met his advances. She could sense a change in him emotionally but her body was choosing to ignore it, just excited to feel his caresses again after what felt like forever. He left her lips; trailing gentle kisses down her throat to her collarbone, his stubble tickling the tender skin. Gillian felt the warmth begin to localize bellow her belly as he pushed the door shut and guided her to their bed. His kisses turned frantic once again as she felt herself fold completely into him.

**(BREAK)**

"Cal?"

"Mmhm?"

"Is there anything you want to tell me?"

They cuddled together, enjoying the quiet and the peace, however fleeting it would no doubt be.

He didn't initially say anything. Gillian peeked up at him, just looking at his silhouette as he studied the far wall. Muscles bunched in his jaw but his expression seemed sad. She thought she saw shame. "Yeah."

No other words passed from his lips while she waited. Gillian didn't push, knowing that that very likely would have the reverse effect. She rested her cheek back against his chest while his fingers gently stroked her shoulder and played with her hair.

"I'm not sure if I can."

"That bad?"

"Yeah." A deep sigh left his lips. "It was bad."

"I see." All she knew was that the girl had been arrested. He hadn't shared any of the events leading up to it.

Cal moved onto his side, propping his head with his hand and gazed down at her. "I guess I'm afraid of your reaction."

"I'm not sure what to say to that."

"Do the ends justify the means Gillian?"

The shame was quite evident. He did nothing to cover it. She reached out and gently placed her hand against his face, watching as he automatically turned into her touch, kissing her palm.

"I suppose it depends on the situation."

Nodding, he met her eyes. "If some one is teetering on the edge, how ethical is it to give them a hardy push?"

She was quiet as she thought about it. From a psychologist's point of view, there was little discussion to be had. From the position of someone protecting his family the answer was a lot more ambiguous. "Is that what happened?"

"More or less."

"What did you do Cal?"

She could feel his body drawing up as agitation set in.

"I just knew that your attack was no coincidence. I could feel it down in my bones. I had to know for sure." His voice became a little strained. "I led her to believe that _our_…relationship was…over." She tensed against him but he forced himself to continue. "I conned her into admitting what she had done." He spoke very carefully, obviously giving her an abbreviated version.

A small knot of bitterness formed in the pit of Gillian's stomach. She chose not to comment, letting him move at his own pace.

"I almost snapped when she told me the truth. It took everything I had not to hurt her." He shifted, once again studying the wall beyond the dresser. "Instead I threw her out. Basically told her to stay the hell away from me. Got everything on tape but naturally that wouldn't stand alone."

"You counted on the fact that she wouldn't let it rest."

"Yeah." Frowning, he looked back down at her and pulled her a little closer. "I underestimated her though. Didn't realize she's as sick as she is."  
>"<em>Oh my God Cal<em>." She pushed up against him, staring directly into his face, eyes fearful but finally demanding. "_What exactly happened_?"

His hazel eyes started to slide away from hers. Grabbing his chin she made him look at her.

"I wasn't going to tell you any of this, but I'm trying to be better."

"I know." She waited.

He was quiet once again, trying to debate the wisdom of being truthful with her. His first impulse was always to run and had been that way for years, but he had made a promise to himself before he even followed her to their island. If he were fortunate enough to convince Gillian to be with him, he would need to be open with her.

"It seems that she had plans to…uh…" the words seemed to get stuck. He cleared his throat. "Well they found some items on her that indicated that she was going to commit suicide and…"

Gillian felt her face go slack, as the circulation seemed to rush from it.

"…and apparently she was going to…try to take me with her." Cal's voice drifted away as he once again averted his eyes.

For a moment it was as if she couldn't catch her breath. She closed her eyes, willing her breathing to come at regular intervals. Bit the inside of her cheek to focus. _This was insane_. Trembling, she opened her eyes to find his inches from her. They held concern, fear and such pleading that she felt her heart break just a little. _He can't seem to help himself. I have no idea how to react to this._


	20. Chapter 20

Gillian remained quiet for a very long time. There had been tears in her eyes, her face wan when she rolled away from him.

He wanted desperately to touch her, make sure she was okay, make sure they were okay but he was afraid. Her reaction was not unexpected but he didn't know if he even had a right to expect her to get beyond it. _But where did that leave them?_

Quietly Cal climbed out of bed, pausing briefly just to grab some pajama bottoms from the dresser. Pulling them on, he gave her a quick glance but she didn't seem to notice. She stared blankly, eyes red, her inner turmoil rolling through her in waves. Head down, he left their bedroom.

Through slightly blurred eyes, she watched his retreating form. She could read agony all over him but couldn't bring herself to offer anything. Twice. He'd almost gotten himself killed twice. And that was only within the last couple of months. Since the birth of their son. It wasn't completely his fault. She knew this. But she couldn't understand how this man seemed to always pull trouble behind him on a leash, a very short leash. Of course it wasn't like this was a new development. He'd always been like this. He'd lived his life on the edge long before she'd even met him. Long before she had accepted him into her heart or her bed. _But where did that leave them?_

The nursery monitor came to life as she heard the stirring of her son followed by his cry. Instinctively she rose and shook off her despair. Gill pulled her robe on and around her before opening the door and stepping into the hall.

He immediately calmed as he sensed her presence. She lifted the infant into her arms, covering his little face with kisses and holding him gently to her. He didn't seem wet but she checked just in case before easing into the rocker and beginning to nurse him. Looking up at her with large eyes, James watched her carefully, seemingly taking in all her expressions before relaxing in response to the love that radiated from her.

Gazing down at the baby, Gillian couldn't help but see Cal in him. The shape of his face, the curve of his cheekbones, the length of his fingers and a million other things that couldn't quite be articulated. _His son_.

James didn't seem overly hungry. It was almost as if he were just seeking comfort that could only be found within his mother's arms. She, in turn, took comfort from this perfect little being, this living and breathing reminder of the intensity of the feelings she held for his father. Her eyes began to blur again as tears overflowed and coursed down her cheeks.

**(BREAK)**

She found Cal sitting in his recliner in the dark, head tilted back. He was completely still and for a moment she thought that he'd fallen asleep.

He startled slightly as she approached, almost as if being roused from a waking dream. Or possibly by the intrusion of an unpleasant memory.

"Sorry."

"S'okay luv." He looked up at her but found her face in shadows. He let out a sigh.

She leaned over and flicked on the lamp on the end table, bathing them both in yellow. He blinked uncomfortably for a couple of seconds before his eyes focused on her. His expression was tentative, fearful. Not unlike how he looked when he first saw her on the island. Waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Gillian stared down at him, her expression initially showing nothing. She drank in the mussed sand colored hair, his expressive chameleon like eyes, which currently had settled into a fearful light brown, the rugged set to his jaw and the three-day growth of beard. A slightly weathered but attractive face. _Her son's father_.

Cal watched as she moved forward.

Without a word, Gillian sat down and curled herself onto his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck and leaning her head gently against his.

His hands hesitantly found her waist. He swallowed; hope taking over his features as he shifted to look up at her. Hazel met blue and neither one glanced away.

The silence still had an edge that concerned him. He couldn't tell if this was a good bye or I forgive you and we'll deal with it together type of embrace. His heart began to beat a little faster in worry and anticipation. Her face continued to give away nothing.

"Gill, darlin' you're torturing me."

"I know. How does it feel?"

Her voice was completely blank. _Jesus_. _Was this some kind of game?_

"How does it feel to _not _know if I'm going to be here for you?" She pressed him but her tone still held no inflection.

Cal broke eye contact, his breathing accelerating, nerves begin to fray. He couldn't answer her right away.

She seemed almost impervious to his discomfort and waited patiently.

His head dropped slightly forward, her point shaking him to the core. He felt as if he were crumbling inside.

"It feels devastating." The words weren't even a whisper. More of a movement of air and emotion.

They were quiet for several long moments. The grandfather clock melodiously rang in the 2:00 a.m. hour. Most of the time neither one of them noticed it but tonight it seemed very loud.

The chimes died away as Gillian placed her hands on either side of Cal's face and turned him toward her. She could see tears in his eyes that would refuse to fall. And that's the way it would always be. There was nothing she could do about that.

Leaning forward, she softly kissed his lips.


	21. Chapter 21

****EPILOGUE****

**Hope you all enjoyed!  
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* * *

><p>The young boy walked stiff legged through the sand. A toddler held onto his fingers firmly while catching a ride on the boy's feet. Her giggles could be heard up and down the beach as the boy laughed with her.<p>

He was a good-looking kid. A lean, precocious 10 year old with sandy colored hair hanging in blue eyes and over a spray of freckles. A devil may care charm already oozed from him much to his mother's chagrin and his father's amusement.

The boy looked up, eyes locking on his father. "Dad! Watch this!"

Guiding the younger child, they crashed like Godzilla over a succession of previously built sandcastles near the water's edge.

Jim (he had formally requested to be called Jim the year before) let out a loud "GGRRRRRR!" which the little girl was quick to imitate in a much higher pitch.

Cal cringed, but managed to refrain from covering his ears as he watched. A smile flickered around his mouth but settled in his eyes.

A hand rested lightly on his shoulder and he immediately took it in his own, planting a kiss on the palm.

"How did you know it was me?"

"ESP darlin'."

Gillian sat next to him on the lounge and stared off toward the children. He pulled his eyes away from the kids so he could study her, noting a few more lines around her eyes and a little more silver in her hair. She was still the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. Today would prove to be just as exciting as it was the first time.

"Cal. You're making me self conscious."

"Sorry luv. Can't help it."

"You almost ready?"

He gazed at her before threading his hand into her hair and bringing her face closer to his. "Without a doubt." A tiny bit closer and he was kissing her gently.

"EWWWW!" Their son's voice cut through the moment.

Gillian giggled, hiding her face, while Cal glowered. "None of that you!"

"Seriously, what kid wouldn't be grossed out by their parents making out at the beach?"

The boy tilted his head to the side, the little girl still holding his hand.

She imitated him with a big screechy "EWWWW!" as well.

"Don't want to see do you?"

"Nope."

"Then don't look ya little voyeur!" Cal kissed Gill again who was still giggling.

The boy gave a look of mock disgust but his eyes twinkled.

Cal glared at him again. "And stop teaching my granddaughter bad habits or I'll have your sister revoke your uncle rights!"

**(BREAK)**

The ceremony was short and sweet but it was everything they could ever have wanted. It wasn't a justice of the peace performing it as Gillian lay bedridden, it was a minister on the beach of their island as their family played witness. The sunset of layered raspberry and orange stood in for their background when their lips met in a sweet lingering kiss as their vows were officially renewed. They continued to gaze at one another, feeling the world tunnel around them, before their lips met once again.

"EWWWW!" The little girl suddenly let everyone know what she thought of the situation as Jim stood by grinning ear to ear.

Horror crossing her face, Emily swooped up her daughter. "Avery! That's not very nice! Where did you get that?"

Her husband Eric struggled to keep a poker face as he caught the eye of his young brother-in-law. He was only moderately successful.

"Can't imagine luv. Can't imagine." Cal gave his daughter a wink as Gillian smiled and pushed her face into his shoulder.


End file.
